Hi everyone. About 2 Mos ago on DHs 32nd Birthday, after having spent 12 years together, (5 of them married), he decided to have "the talk" with me. He doesnt love me, find me attractive, is scared, wants help/therapy, wants to try to make it work. Let me preface other details by saying we are in a MASSIVELY Horrible financial situation. (net worth is -300k). DH has to crawl to his dad each month to borrow mortgage money. I SHOULD have gotten a job a lot sooner. I am pursuing it NOW but am not sure can get in time.
Anyhow, DH may have had a MLC, (i believe he did, he does not). Since he is younger then most Men in MLC, i think most of the tests etc that he agreed to take are scewed b/c questions are irrelevant to his age group. We have NO kids. I can post some other things he has been saying to help realize if its indeed MLC or not?
3-4 times in past 2 mo's, he threatened to leave (half he was drunk, half just tired/late). One of them that was REALLY bad was yesterday/last night. I spent the whole day out w/ my MOM trying to work on me, and rebuilding my own life. I think DH might have been alone all day. Not sure. He is in real estate, so hes not always able to work. Even though he does have some good high end closings in mid-DEC, money is non existent now except for a P/T job i have w/ my dad.
So, i get home after spending the whole day out. Happy as can be. DH is no where to be found. Mind you, we just had sex yesterday morning (clearly just sex, nothing more). I let it go, didnt read into it, and just Messaged his cell that i was home. Heard nothing. Sent some more messages, wondering about dinner plans?.
Finally, Called my sister and best friend concerned when it got dark. I started crying and getting lonely. Called DH cell, no answer. Finally left a message, and several more texts (i know those are big NO NO's... i was/am so so weak).
Finally, my best friend meets me to comfort me and we get coffee so im not alone. I get home 11pm, DH still MIA. Texts me finally that he is "not coming home. go to bed. im busy". Another text "stop calling me!" another "Im Done! No more Imago BS. No more talking." (ugh....) Finally after enough calling and having left a voice mail, at 2:00 AM today, he answers saying "I am not having a Midlife crisis!!! WTF... etc".
I immediately diffuse the situation by saying- first of all, thank you for answering. I really appreciate it. Then, i asked if he is OK and where he is if he doesnt mind saying? (he was 1 town over where he likes to drive around). I said "everything he was feeling was right, and i agreed w/ most of it". I said that "9:10, heck 10:10, he was right about things, so he obviously must be right about us right now too needing to divorce". He said, after long pauses of silence... how "well, im not always right. I bought that house didnt i?". I said "true". I agreed to everything he said. Didnt bring up much myself. Did cry once, but tried to stay strong.
I told him i had a job interview today, (i might) and i really needed my sleep. He inquired about the job. I told him. He said "well, if i come home and sleep on the fouton, will that help you sleep for tomorrow?". I said "Yes, likely it would". I told him i would make the bed for him. I left him a cup of tea and his Toothbrush, went to bed, did not wait up for him.
Im sitting in my room, alone this morning, feeling like the loneliest woman in the universe. I am not sure what to do! I feel so defeated. As of yesterday, we had been getting breakfast together almost daily. We did have our house on the market. Thats not going well. Also, I thought i might be pregnant, and LIKE AN IDIOT, despite our progress, despite DH actually bringing up Thanksgiving tomorrow and what we should do (WOW) i told him about possibly being pregnant. I took another preg test and it was negetive. I could scream at myself for constantly sabotaging my efforts.
Much of this, however, i know is out of my control, and is purely DH's worry.
Im showing DH that i have a major change of heart, and am considering the divorce b/c its what he wants, and i love him and want to do what he wants. Should I not be saying this? What on earth can i do at this point, when i fear he may leave. However, i know he has no where to go. I can see him staying in this large house w/ me for a time.....
Do i suggest a trial seperation in our own home? Do i ignore everything and do the book as best I can?
Please dear friends help me.... i was almost done in yesterday. Im so tired. This is so hard.
Thank you so much. This is getting so tiring for ME. Also, for my friends, my Mom, and others involved.
