Ah K, I'm sorry he feels he can do no right. Men dont take it well when we point out what they are not doing, they feel like they are failing if we 'critiscise', however fairly you do it. I think someone said to go reread some of the books we read in the early days and it does seem to be like DBing101 again!!
What was someone here saying, reward the good stuff (I loved it when you did X, or, I liked you calling yesterday etc etc) but ignore the bad stuff?? Easier said than done I guess. Are you seeing him tonight though??
No news from my side. Except the "stone" may have gone out the natural way- LOL which means, on November 2oth he will have no excuse for NOT trying to get in my pants- LOLOL!! Seriously, we spenty time together this weekend and he wanted me to take the kids to the game last night. We went and he seemed very pleased. THe kids loved the experience. He was again very comfortable with us there and introduced us to everybody etc.
I had a few flash back attacks that hit me hard but I didnt discuss any with him, dont want that to be the only thing we talk about.
Ah K, I'm sorry he feels he can do no right. Men dont take it well when we point out what they are not doing, they feel like they are failing if we 'critiscise', however fairly you do it. I think someone said to go reread some of the books we read in the early days and it does seem to be like DBing101 again!!
What was someone here saying, reward the good stuff (I loved it when you did X, or, I liked you calling yesterday etc etc) but ignore the bad stuff?? Easier said than done I guess. Are you seeing him tonight though??
xxx
By ignoring the behavior, I meant withdraw. Be quiet, not chatty, not affectionate, go grey. When he talks with you, is affectionate, etc, then you reward that with talk, affection, attention. I didn't mean to look the other way when he does something wrong.
It is certainly appropriate that you got everything out there, Kalni. Rome wasn't built in a day and piecing is a process. Maybe he needs to understand that it doesn't just go back to how it was, it has to be rebuilt over time. I certainly think he is making an effort. Reward the effort and more will follow.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Hey K.. why are you lonely? You spent the weekend together, but are you finding it hard you dont see him in the week? Any more thoughts about asking him to move back in? (How about by Christmas, wouldnt it be great for yuo all to wake up at christmas, all together again under one roof?)
But you know me, hopeless (hapless) romantic ! x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
You can only tell that with TIME. It took time to get to this place, it will take time to work through.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I think that you have become numb, partly as a self-defense mechanism. You had soooo much to face and it hurt more than you could contend with. It is ok, the feelings are still there, they are just taking a nap.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
How can one tell if the lack of strong emotion is due to hurt or due to the fact that the emotion finally just died? K
PS NOT thinking of asking him back home. There are a few steps that we have to go thru before we think about doing that.
That's a tough one and I agree it takes time... but you need to take that time. I wished my H did before he entangled us back into his emotional turmoil now that he has realized his feelings had died.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
