WAW and 4 kids

[Gardener]

Trying, I'm kinda late responding, but,

Some great points I just read in GIMA's thread that I wanted to catalog here:Gima always makes great points. Has helped me a lot.

But the truth of the matter is that we are M'd (legally) to women who have emotionally checked out on the MR a long time ago. So, they are leaving the choice of what to do, in a sense, up to us. Yep. In that sense, too, they "abdicate", exile themselves to Limboland.

So true, So true, unfortunately. When I try to decide ( I have pushed her to make a decision at times ) all she can come up with is: "If you don't like the situation then YOU leave!" You; "I've certainly been thinking about that"

She is in no hurry to get D'd - she is likewise, in no hurry to move towards MC. Instead, she appears to be happy to move back into limboland. While I cannot live that way, I don't want to blow everything up while Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner. Or, am I being unreasonable?

Reasonable, IMHO. Wife dropped bomb last 11/09/08. We had usual, great (last) Thanksgiving with all while no one knew what was hanging over our heads. Glad we did. It was the las t one and it was good. Ditto Christmas. Wife had moved out 12/03 and most knew (though at the time she had us - me included- believing it was a "temporary respite"). It still was a good Christmas. And again, our last one..

[quote]"I want what I want, but I'm afraid to do it."
"I want what I want but what if I change my mind."
"I want what I want but what if it will be better for me if I wait to pull the trigger."
"I want what I want but I don't want to do it - you do it!"

I sure don't know what is in your wife's mind - but I've read your accounts and seen versions of the above. None of those represent positions of strength which ought to encourage you.

Not my sitch, but I agree.


She said a wacky thing to me recently. When she told me for the 1000th time that its over between us and that there is nothing to work on, I told her she can't predict the future and therefore doesn't know if we would have been happy if we had worked it out. Next time, just try, "You're right," and end it/walk away.
This shows how screwed up she is - she is looking to leave her M so she can find someone else to make her happy (she got this idea during her EA and hasn't let it go I think). Doesn't realize no one but she, herelf can make her happy.

I told her - make yourself happy THEN work on your M and you will in turn make your kids happier, etc etc. However, we all know how effective it is to try to negotiate with a WAW. So, Don't. Next time, try telling her, "Good luck,"(maybe even sarcastically) and walk away. I do it less and less as time goes on, but as I stated earlier I backslid last week a bit. Good. We ALL backslide.

MIL says it is because she feels guilty and doesn't feel worthy of love from others - probably true. Sound definitely true. MIL probably knows best.

At the very least, you're talking. My STBX Never makes contact, never talks anymore, so I've just stuck a fork in it; it's done. D is sched for 12/8
Keep going.