New, my story

[Inaspin]

Thanks sillyoldbear, you make good points.

I know that I want to save my M, but I know that I cannot control the way my W feels and that what I want may not be possible.

I am going to re-focus from today. I am on a journey finding GOD, this is very important for me and it is something I am going to focus on. I have been in pain my whole life and have never faced it, it is the reason I am where I am today. I have been damaged and the guilt & pain made me run from facing my problems, I never loved myself, so how could I have loved my W the way she deserved to be loved.

I am going to focus on making this Christmas really special for my S, I will make sure that if this is the last one we spend together as a family, that his memories of it will last a lifetime.

I have not backslid for 1 week today, so I'm going to continue on this road and deal with it one moment at a time, It's just bloody hard to put into practice!