Braveheart, son is 15 years old now, old enough to make his own decisions in life especially regarding his relationship with his dad, if it is not meant to be it is not meant to be, I know that. I merely merely post on here to see if there are any similarities with other peoples sitches, which I have to say I have found there are quite a lot of similarities. I will leave son and dad to sort it themselves, I am here should either of them need me if not I get on with my life, xx
After having a little think about this current sitch here is my views, and I ask is this hitting bottom or not. Ex spent all his inheritance and is now broke Ex is getting into severe debt Ex has no car Ex has no job ( have to say hes had 6 since leaving us) Ex has fallen out with his aged aunt, (only living relative left apart from son) Ex as again gone cold on son. also believe his marriage is in difficulty I am only wondering if this is the bottom so to speak, where else is there for him to fall, it appears he as fallen in everything he as done. Not that it bothers me I hope you all understand before you reply, I am just wondering if this is bottom, I really dont want ex to do anything stupid to himself
Mandy, This would be bottom for us. However, hitting bottom for him will be when his wife walks away, his friends are no longer there and he comes to realize that he has nothing left at all. Some hit bottom with what has transpired w/this man and come to realize that they have to do something about their situation. But, in this case, he appears to stil be floating and I can only assume it's the wife that is holding him up at this time.
Step back, watch from afar and things will change when you least expect them.
I do hope that you and your son are doing well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
snod- just read ur above post....bottom.... i think my x willl literally have to follow ur thoughts on bottom before he ever gets close to healing................ what their bottoms lookk like almost scare me....
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
I think when THEY hit bottom it is the lowest of the low. That is the only way they can change or wake up. They live in a fantasy world and pain has to hit them very hard. I really don't want to watch it happen.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
It amazes me how much pain they seem to take or avoid thry lose everything and still they keep going seemingly unaffected at least that is how I see my X maybe it is the OW keeping him up as snodderly said I see my xh also has lost it all although he still has a car and a OW wife and I agree with the others, not sure I want to see what it will look like if/when it ever happens peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I thank you all for your replies and a special thankyou to Snodderley for popping in, havent had you pop by for a long time and it means so much, and yes me and son are doing absolutely fine thankyou
I agree with all of you...It is amazing how unaffected they all are..how they go on with life like they are having the time of their lives...I personally don't think my H will ever hit bottom..He has a way of burying it wayyyyyy down...just as he did with his "love child" for 9 years....didnt even flinch all those years...never showed he was worried I'd find out...my what an actor he was...that's why I don't think he will ever crash..he's GOOD at all this....he always tells me he's callused to all my crying that I did and me in general..he didnt care that I cried so much...it was the death of my marriage for heaven's sake...
I would ask him just what is being "in LOVe"...his response was...."it's where you can't wait to be home with your partner...wanting to talk to them, missing them.." ...basically everything he was feeling for OW....that hurt because I did miss HIM...I did share everything with HIM...
but....the OW he had the child with, he is no longer with, told me that affair lasted a while....now off to a new one...
it's amazing what the "tuck" away....
I have not "SEEN" my H since July.....it's definately the calm before the storm...but I think I'm ready....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
updating, ex seems to have gotten over the past few weeks coldness with son, he as been phoning, texting and picking son up all week, on dropping son off at his rugby last night he phoned me and was on the phone some considerable time, talking about nothing apart from son, how he wishes he could spend more time with him, the time he would like to spend with son he cannot due to the fact that son wont go to their house, he wishes son would put that aside and accept the situation how it is now. He was also talking about sons future and how he wants to be the one to sort him driving lessons and get him driving etc, he wants to attend the next parents day at school. all these very good positives in my eyes but then there is the down side of him wanting son to go to their house again, we have been there in the past and that is why ex and son fell out before, I only hope it doesnt have the same effect this time, son may change his mind and it is totally up to him if he does, but at this moment in time son is still very strongly not wanting anything to do with wifey or go to their house at all. I dunno, will this train ever come to a halt, over 4 years now and still stirring muck up so to speak. why doesnt ex see he caused the situation, he walked away, dumped his child, didnt speak to him for over 2 years and threw him out on the streets, now he is crying pity party cause he wants to see more of him but cannot, oh dear life goes on, xxxxx
