That sucks yes. But you're NOT destroyed, and you won't be.
Reminds me of something I posted in my thread earlier today: "Perhaps the simple point is LBS should not let what robbed their WAS of the ability to love them, also rob their own self-love, or their capacity to be loved."
It's still your choice, your life. Be strong.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
"Perhaps the simple point is LBS should not let what robbed their WAS of the ability to love them, also rob their own self-love, or their capacity to be loved.
"Deep, this is, well, deep! Thanks.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I know, I am a strong person, but it the reality really hurts, especially when I thought I had some positive signs that things may at least be treading water for the holidays, instead I'll be going through this process.
On top of that, I need to reun for re-election starting in December, with the election in April. Funny enough, this divorce will have about the same timeline. I think that helps me make my decision not to run.
I'm very mad right now, but have always said that my wife, who is a very strong woman, would need to file to let herself know that she could before anything can change; the only problem is that now the clock is ticking (4 mo in Wis) and that creates a little more pressure on me.
I will be strong, but right now I am feeling a little beat down and tired.
Gardener, heh well it does make a tad more sense as an endpoint of that post, which was just sharing some thoughts (and with an acknowledgement of something you said too) .
I think it fits in giving helpme an encouraging perspective for now ...
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
My cousin came over. It helped to have a few beers and talk about things. I really want this M to work, obviously, but it is not in my control. The only thing I can control is myself and the things I have done so far to make myself a better man and father. Yes, those things do translate into a better husband, but it may not be with my current W, though that remains my goal.
Only time will tell.
Thanks again, I apprecaite your words of encouragment and support.
Not a very good night of sleep. I am very surprised my W filed on Friday. Wednesday we were in MC and she said she didn't have the money, where it came from between then and Friday I have no idea. I guess it doesn't matter. I haven't seen the papers yet, but she says I will today. Why she filed on Friday and then waited to tell me until Sunday night, I have no idea.
She told me she talked to our real estate agent on Friday and had her draw up papers to list our new house. At noon on Friday our agent was over here and didn't say anything, but did say my wife was by the office. I know she would have said something if there were papers for me to sign. Maybe my wife went back in the afternoon.
I feel like giving up one minute and continuing to fight for my marriage the next. The rollercoaster is back to moment to moment. I hate that.
People tell me that it is just paper. It is nothing that can't be stopped by just saying "stop" if my wife decides that.
I've said all along that my W will NEED to file to know that she can, before anything will happen...either way. I never doubted that she could and was almost positive that she would; but this is still so hard. She wants to schedule a temporary hearing to get finances and assets seperated. That will be tough. Happy Holidays.
Anyway, today is going to be an long day and I just want it to be over so I can go back to bed.
I feel like giving up one minute and continuing to fight for my marriage the next. The rollercoaster is back to moment to moment. I hate that. Yep, but by now you know how to hold onto that safety bar in front of you real good, right?
People tell me that it is just paper. It is nothing that can't be stopped by just saying "stop" if my wife decides that. SHE can, yes. In my no-fault state respondant/defendant, whatever can stall but not stop D (i.e. contest it and you get court-ordered counseling for x times over x months). If house is in both names, sign nothing! Keep interviewing and interviewing more and more agents until you "find one you like". STALL
I've said all along that my W will NEED to file to know that she can, before anything will happen...either way. I never doubted that she could and was almost positive that she would; but this is still so hard. She wants to schedule a temporary hearing to get finances and assets seperated. That will be tough Get an L if you haven't already, of course.. Happy Holidays.
Anyway, today is going to be an long day and I just want it to be over so I can go back to bed.Understandable. But, no, no, no. LIVE the (seemingly) crappy day. Beddy-bye will come soon enough.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
As for a L. I don't want to make this messy, if this is what it has to be, then I want to do it amicably.
We previously met with a divorce mediator and have been very fair in the division of our assets and placement of kids (50/50).
I've considered my options for stalling the divorce, but isn't that the opposite of DBing? I understand that if I tell the judge, at that final hearing, that I don't want the divorce, he will postpone it. All that would seem to do is upset my wife more.
That is at least 4-5 months off. For now, I will focus on today.
Well, I confirmed this morning that my W did indeed list our house on Friday.
I believe she did file the D papers.
Once I get my copy and sign and return them, I start the 120 day clock.
It is very hard to be upbeat today. I've prayed, talked with many people and still I feel like crap.
I do love my W. I do want this M to work. It seems that she has checked out though.
Wed. I leave my home and my W comes back with the kids. I am gone until after T-giving. I will use that time to GAL my ass off and see what happens. Time is my fried...hang in there...etc. All that crap I hear all the time.
I'm sorry to hear your news. I know it isn't what you hoped for, but you will be OK no matter how things turn out. But you have the right idea- GAL and detach. Not much else you can do- besides get a good attorney. Take care of yourself and your kids.
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