Changing Man

[The Wifey]

Whew! It was an absolute marathon to get caught up, but I did it. Sorry I am too late for most of the crisis. But I will tell you what hit me the most.

The C that said your wife was sexually abused is part of this wave of C's out there that look for and of course find abuse in nearly every sitch. I know because my H and I had that brush us in 2003. Frankly, if what you were doing was abuse, then I am sick and twisted for thinking fondly back to something similar that I giggled and pushed back for myself. (And would pay good money to have again.) : )

Your W is seeking reinforcements and "telling her story" to make herself look good and to help her stay angry enough to go through with the D. I seriously doubt that her gaslighted version of the visit is remotely correct. More likely, SHE was upset that you came and invaded HER visit.

Too bad, so sad, and it sucks to be her. Just because she has demonized you does not mean everyone will or should. Just because she wants everyone to pick sides does NOT mean they should, can or will. If she hasn't figured out that D does not mean you are completely out of each others' lives, she will eventually.

Now to that man-cave - there is no reason you have to have it spartan or bare. Live simply, yes, but a man of heart and passion such as yourself should make a rich, inviting, and personal environment for yourself. Go out thrifting or to auctions. Find furniture or art that reflects your taste.

Good for you for asking someone out. Keep doing that. Just take it slow and don't expect another person to be the cure for what ails you. IMHO - the lady you ask out should be of the highest caliber, because you deserve it.

Even though your STBXW seems to think she has everything rolling out on her command, in her time-frame, does not mean it has to. Absolutely refuse to let her rope in the mediator. And if she has then leave. No excuses or reasons necessary. Simply let both of them know that mediation is not appropriate if it is directed in one direction. The point is to come to a settlement, not to bash you. If she can't keep that in mind then you are done.

Serenity, dear - I loved the long verse you posted. It was so appropriate. Gardener has handled himself with Grace and his W is such a fool. An angry, perhaps damaged fool, but a fool all the same.

Were I in Connecticut, I would love to have the next dance.