For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

Well, I think we can all see my approach hasn't been working. That's pretty darn obvious (esp. after yesterday's drama).

When I was plowing full steam ahead, focused on me, I was def heading in the right direction and I think I was getting his attention at least a teeny weeny bit.

IDK what's up with me - yesteday I was a hot head, today I've been a weepy bag of emotions.

I need some time to clear my head, do some praying and connecting with God and then I need to read over everything that's been posted and re-evaluate things.

I've really been a mess since seeing OW's name in his email. Time to buck up, suck it, and devise my new game plan. I can see how I was having a pity party for myself (and that's hard not do bc it all seems so unfair).

I get very wrapped in things bc we have a beautiful, sweet, silly, adorable, lovable, amazing little 3 yr old and I want the best for her, for me and for H. In my heart, I still believe the best for us is being together. Sometimes desperation to keep us together leads me to do some stupid things. Why I thought my bsing last night was going to be helpful - well, I'm not even sure. My head was filled with a different kind of delusional fog (different than the fog that has filled up my H's head, but a fog nonetheless).

I think it's a bit nutty how I can be swearing like a sailor one second, filled with rage the next and then curled up in a ball crying like a baby. WTH????

What a roller coaster ride this is.

Got some sadness to work through tonight, but I need to point my feet in the right direction and take the right steps. Probably gonna need some help knowing what those steps should be, but I'm not down and out just yet.

Probably gonna shed some more tears tonight, but it's okay. It's a healing process.

What a flippin whirlwind of emotions. Jeepers...

I've got a crazy schedule this week, which might a good thing. Let's hope I'm too busy to do something stupid. lol
Just kidding - I've let it go, no more beating myself up.

All in all...after everything that has been dumped on me, overall I'm pretty proud of how I've done. I'm def proud of how I've continued to be a great mom to my awesome DD even when our world was cracking right under our feet.

What a work in progress I am. : )