New here, this is my story...

[Gardener]

Thanks gardener.

What is bothering me the most right now is that my wife doesn't believe in any of the changes I am have/am making. She thinks I am "being a politician" and saying the right things to the right people.

BELIEVE NONE OF WHAT THEY SAY (dammit!)

She's getting more and more angry at me.

AND LESS THAN HALF OF WHAT THEY DO!
(I'm gonna stop all this annoying quoting and just interject in red, if you don't mind.)

My IC says that the key to trust is consistent actions + time.TRUE I know this; but it seems like the more I improve, and I really am, the more upset she gets.MindReading She is doing more and more to, I believe, hurt me.Mindreading Maybe it is her way of testing me. I don't know.

All I know is that THIS IS NOT MY W. Right.A Hurting Alien. This is not the person I fell in love with. She is, quite simply, being mean. I worry that she will leverage the kids against me next. However, I have enough to worry about without worrying about thigns that haven't happened yet. That's right. And if she leverages/turns the kids against you, remain you. They'll be back!

Your advice is exactly what I did in my reply. I will copy in the email below.

He did reply with, "Thanks, I knew you would understand; best wishes".See?

The email to my Father in Law:


I understand. I'm sorry that this is the case. This has always worried me. I've never mentioned anything we said or even brought you up other then to ask when this started if it was okay to talk with you.

I hope XXXX decideds to talk to someone. I'm not trying to manipulate her at all. It is in my nature to control the situation I am in, and that is generally something I can do pretty well; but it is something that doesn't work in a marriage and I am trying to not do that. I think XXXX sees that and it confuses her because I am not fighting. I am trying to remain amicable, etc... To her, that isn't me. And it isn't me. But it is the way I have learned, through counseling, that I need to be. You said I can be right or I can be happy. Right now, I feel like I am neither, but I can't and don't want XXXX to be married to me because she has to. I want it because she wants to.

XXXX always has been my best friend. I honestly don't want that to go away completly, if divorce is what happens. She's very very angry with me, I think moreso because she has always asked me to deal with some of these issues and the last time I was given a last chance, I didn't. Now that she has decided it is over, I am doing it and it makes her angry, and I understand that.

Thansk for being there, and I very much understand your conflict and respect that. I have two little girls that I would do the same things for; but I also know that XXXX and I were happy before, and we can be again. It would be a very tough road, but it is one I hope and pray XXXX decides to try. If not, I will have to learn to deal with that and the changes in my life.
Bravo! His reply says it ALL!