I've just finished reading your thread. I'm struggling (like so many here) with the same thing you are, especially the detachment.
The forum is a great resource for me, even though my focus is awful; I can't even remember which threads I've read. I've started keeping a journal of what I'm reading. It helped me to learn to use the "watched threads" function too.
I've been having a really bad day too. I haven't posted anything in my thread in a couple of days. I noticed that you had posted twice in one hour, and I'm imagining you sitting at your computer waiting for a response from anyone. I wanted to offer what little I have.
After reading for a while, what comes to mind that I'm hanging on to is the need for patience and time. Of course, I want my sitch to be fixed NOW, but I keep praying for more patience.
Hang in there!
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
You know Stu, I tell people on here who have children alot that I firmly beleive that this process teaches your kids about coping, and the value of M. So that the only example that they grow up with is NOT that once you are unhappy, you run.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I've just decided that it is over. My mum called my mother in law to see how she was doing and mil said that she is upset, but understands why her daughter wants out. That I treated W like a mother than a wife. That we never went out. That I never showed her affection. Then they talked about the cheating accusation. My mum said she knows I didn't cheat, but mil said "only god knows". She also said it's better for us to be seperate and happy than together and miserable. Which I agree with, but I don't agree with not at least trying again in our own house.
Doesn't matter anyway. I've given up. I can't go back even if W wanted me to.
After reading for a while, what comes to mind that I'm hanging on to is the need for patience and time. Of course, I want my sitch to be fixed NOW, but I keep praying for more patience.
All together now...
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Stu, even if you are done, this is a good place for you to stay involved with. Lots of us have been through this process and I encourage you to keep posting.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I plan on staying involved. Im sure now I can help others with mistakes I have made, and I'll most probably still have my ups and downs for a while, but I think the downs will be fewer. I've accepted what has happened, and I think thats been one of my biggest issue.
I still want to be friends with W (do I still refer to her as W or is she Ex W now? dunno). I want her to be happy and I want to be involved as much as possible with our son. She has just agreed to let me take him to Fiji in Jan, so I'm pretty happy. I can't wait. He'll love it as well (might be weird for him not having his mum there though). I gave her the option of coming along, but she declined. It doesn't bother me, but would of been nice for our son. I won't cancel her flight in case she changes her mind later. I'd rather loose the $500 odd dollars and give her the chance to be there with our son if she wishes. Yes, it would of been a nice opportunity for us to re-build our friendship, but we can still do that regardless is she decides to come along. If she does, I have absolutely no intention on trying to work on things. She has made it clear what she wants, and I have accepted it. I guess I accepted it when she told me that she was happier without me. There is no way I can deny her happiness, even if it means it is without me.
Sounds like you are on the road to detachment! Good for you. As hard as it is, it is the best thing for you. Can't wait to get there myself. On the up side of things, at least you still get to take your son to FIJI, make it a trip to remember.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
I was right about the ups and downs, but not cause my W has left. I spoke to my son this morning, and he asked me again when I was coming home. I had to tell him I wasn't, then he kept asking why and who would be the father?? It tore me apart. I said I would always be his dad and that I loved him very much and he can call me when ever he wants.
I spoke to W after that and told her that we really need to speak to him. She asked me why, and I told her what he had said. She said we could speak to him on Sunday when I drop him off. I said I would rather not do it on Sunday, cause it's my birthday, and I have fun filled day planned with him. She was fine with that. I said I will get back to her as to when we should speak to him. He eben asked her later if we could build 2 houses and stick them together so he could go next door when ever he wanted to. This from a 6 year old.
I had to speak to some-one after that, and called my sister. She broke down. She can't believe it is not affecting W and can't understand how W could do this to her family.
He asked questions after I got off the phone, and she told him that we needed our space. I said it propbably wasn't the best thing to say to him, but she justified it by saying "did you want me to tell him without you?"
