Thank you Saffie for words of encouragement when I am at a particularly low point. My H isnt showing me other woman's text--I broke down an looked at his phone when he was in another room--I am not proud of that. He did tell me she texted him good luck iwth the C about the kids--she is very confident of him. Tonight we go for dinner with our 22 year old son to celebrate his b-day which got left behind in hospitalization and then funeral of H's dad. My son refused to meet his father to watch the big local football game together but did agree to dinner.
Puppy-re how long has his choice been available--you will have to bear with me as I explain this. About a month ago (the separation is 2 months along now)when I told him I knew about the A I told him that I could forgive and forget and he did have a choice to stay in the marriage (I never said he could have both of us) --he cried and couldnt believe I did not go ballistic on him/ could understand how the A could happen. He said at the time it gave him some hope that we might be able to work things out. That was the weekend he stayed and we were intimate. Then little contact.Then his father spent 12 days in ICU, died, funeral etc and he wanted me with him the whole time. Now, things have settled down, contact has decreased but right before C he had a mini breakdown and cried again about irreparably damaging his R with kids and I. Thats when I spelled out he had a choice to come back to our family and heal and that I and the kids wanted that. He has known all along that I would take him back and want our marriage to work. The kids have told him they want our family back.
Is there a deadline yet? The answer there is no. I have my deadline personally when his lease runs out in March as he will have to make some kind of decision then. As that date approaches I will tell him he has to make a decision if he already hasnt by then. But, I hope time will allow some effect of the DB phone counselling to take effect, maybe the A will start to wear thin, or he will miss being a full part of his adult kids lives. I do feel I know him well enough to know that a deadline this early in the process would feel controlling to him. HE keeps repeating over and over how his OW is easy to be with, always happy, nothing heavy, no demands, no jealousy, all support and encouragement and NO TIMELINES.
