Not sure what to do

[stu321]

Thanks Britt. I will do the same and try to help you out as much as I can. Maybe share with you some of the mistakes I have made. I don't think I could offer much advice other than that.

One thing I will say though, is that this site has given me alot of advice and support and has been a great place for me to vent. So, even if you want to just get things off your chest, then do it.

One thing I have decided to do is to take up martial arts again. I really enjoyed plus it will give me a chance to meet new people. You should definately look at doing something that you've been putting off that you will enjoy.

[Gardener]

I could see the hurt, anger and frustration in her eyes. I hope she finds happiness again within herself.

Compassion = healthy. I like Thinker's sign-off: Compassion, not resentment. She's in pain, too."

Sorry, but I'm just using this thread to let things out.

Sorry? That's what this -and we - are here for!
Be good to yourself tonight.

[stu321]

Thanks Britt. I will do the same and try to help you out as much as I can. Maybe share with you some of the mistakes I have made. I don't think I could offer much advice other than that.

One thing I will say though, is that this site has given me alot of advice and support and has been a great place for me to vent. So, even if you want to just get things off your chest, then do it.

One thing I have decided to do is to take up martial arts again. I really enjoyed plus it will give me a chance to meet new people. You should definately look at doing something that you've been putting off that you will enjoy.

[stu321]

I guess one thing I should also mention, is that there has been a history of schizophrenia in her family. Her grandmother was diagnosed with it.

The priest that I went and saw last week raised concerns that he might think there are some balance issues with her at the moment as alot of her comments seem out of the ordinary. I asked to him to reserve judgment, cause he would really need to get her side of the story before making judgment. He said he would, but he himself has seen unusual behaivour from her over the last few months. He is genuinly concerned for her. I told him that if she did have any issues like that, I wouldn't walk away. I would only walk away if she cheated or if she tells me she is happier without me (which she did yesterday)

He plans on visiting the family next week to have dinner with them. He was very supportive when my W's father passed away 4 months ago. He is also the type of person to say what he feels and won't sugar coat anything. From the conversations I have had with him, he seems very knowledgeable, sincere and has a wealth of experience in dealing with matters like this. He has also had formal councilling training. I feel guilty for thinking maybe this is a reason that she wants to end it, and that she is not thinking clearly, but at the same time, I do hope that he is wrong about his fears.

[bluerain]

I want to be very clear on something here, When I say you remove support, Im not talking about your kids. If in some capacity you need to be a father, then thats what you need to do. None of this is their fault, so if they need a ride next thursday night or whatever, then you need to be there for them.

Maybe it would help if instead of looking at it as She wants You to do something with the kid for Her, you should look at it as the kid needs this, and she cant do it right now.

Now, that being said, dont take over everything for her, and dont let her shove all of the responsibilities off on you, but you have to make sure that those kids are covered and know that they can count on you.

Some of these personality disorders tend to be a little more likely to manifest after a traumatic event. If someone is predisposed to it, the stress can bring is out in someone. I would calm down right now as far as it goes, she could just be having a hard time right now due to the circumstances, havent we all been through that?

[stu321]

I agree. Our son will always be our first priority. We've always agreed with that.

I will not be making any type if communication with her unless it's about our son or the house.

I had previously booked a holiday to Fiji for the 3 of us in Jan. I asked whether I could still take our son, but she hasn't given me an answer. She is more than welcome to join us as our son would love to have both of his parents there. I would also like to work on rebuilding a friendship with W. If she won't let me take him, I'll need to cancel soon or we will loose money. I don't plan on trying or talking about anything else for a while. I need to spent this time on making myself a better person.

[Lll54]

Good for you taking up Martial Arts again! That is one step in the right direction that's for sure. I don't really have much that I have wanted to do and can't. My H and I are very flexible people. We always believe that when we had children we would never let them get in the way of accomplishing things we wanted in our lives. We would do our best to work around everything we could some way, some how. So I've just been GAL'ing as much as possible. So much my house work is quite behind right now. Thank goodness tomorrow is Sunday. Clean up day in this house. Maybe I'll take S3 ice skating tomorrow as well. Doing my best. Hope you are too.

[stu321]

Hi guys, another bad day for me. My son told me this morning that he dreamt if the 3 of us going to the beach and playing in the water.

I asked my W if I could take our son on the trip to Fiji, and she said she would think about it. I can't see I wouldn't be able to take him.

I heard from someone that they are having a mass fir my father in law tomorrow night. W hasn't told me anything, so I guess she doesn't want me there.

I'm at the house we are trying to build today as I've got the electricians here doing some more work. I can't handle being here knowing that we won't be moving in as a family.

I want to get on with my life, but I'm struggling. My family has been asking me what I would do if she came to her senses later, and I would love to try again. I don't think they are too impressed. They keep saying she'll regret it later and that I deserve better, but I guess they don't want to see me in pain.

I can't get out of my head that she said she has been happier without me. I was always afraid that she would think she was happier as she was seeing a councillor about her own issues and think that she was happier cause I wasn't around.

We had always agreed to try to make things better when we were in our own house, but she doesn't even want to try.

Am o flogging a dead horse by trying to hold on?

[stu321]

I know I need to detach, but it's easier said than done.

[Gardener]

stu,

I heard from someone that they are having a mass fir my father in law tomorrow night. W hasn't told me anything, so I guess she doesn't want me there.

I say go. Sit in the back if it makes you more comfortable, but go. Your absence will be noted - and misinterpreted - by those who do not know your wife didn't tell you. Do the honorable thing.

They keep saying she'll regret it later and that I deserve better, but I guess they don't want to see me in pain.

Bingo.

I can't get out of my head that she said she has been happier without me.

"Believe none of what they say..."

but she doesn't even want to try.

"...and less than half of what they do."

Am o flogging a dead horse by trying to hold on?

Perhaps. But also being a decent, feeling man.