Gotta Keep Trying 2

[givingitmyall]

All of these sound like GALing to me.

MO3,

I think you're right. But how else does one fill up their own love tank/bank? I have struggled with this question. If my W can't/won't meet my needs right now, what do I do to fulfill myself other than do things that bring me happiness? And I don't mean sex. I know some would suggest dating, but that's not me. Not while I'm M'd.

So filling my own tank/bank means a lot of time with the kids (which I LOVE) - they love me and aren't afraid to express that. Isn't it nice that there aren't books on walkaway children? If W were here, she would probably say, "Well, GIMA, I love you as a person." Am I the only one here with whom this rings hollow? What a nice way to say I DON'T love you, but if you were stranded on the side of the road, I might stop to help out.

I am not angry as I write this post. I'm just making an observation and expressing what I think/feel about it.

So taking care of my own needs also means staying busy with things that bring me joy - playing golf, reading, exercising, cooking.

I think it's time I re-read "His Needs, Her Needs."

[Gardener]

Gima, Go see SpyBunny/Counseling Conundrums even if you don't know her whole sitch. Help needed.

[motherof3]

I think you're right. But how else does one fill up their own love tank/bank? I have struggled with this question.

I struggle with the same question. I think the answer is going to be different for everyone. And at this point in the process I don't think it will be easy to get to 100% full. If you find a way, please let me in on the secret.

I know some would suggest dating, but that's not me. Not while I'm M'd.

I know what you mean. That's not me either. At this point, I would feel very uncomfortable at the thought of dating someone else. Until the D papers are signed I don't think I will be able to even consider this as an option.

[Thinker]

I know some would suggest dating, but that's not me. Not while I'm M'd.

Besides, that would be a way to find SOMEONE ELSE to fill your love tank (just a different someone else) - not a way to fill it yourself.

So filling my own tank/bank means a lot of time with the kids (which I LOVE) - they love me and aren't afraid to express that. Isn't it nice that there aren't books on walkaway children?

Closer...

Focusing on your kids is one way, BUT don't expect your kids to fill your love tank either. That is again expecting someone else to do it.

What is it about focusing on your kids that makes you feel good. Is it the fact that they express love for you? or is it something else?

---
Mindreading and projecting a bit here, but bear with me...

When your W isn't being supportive of you, and isn't meeting your needs, you feel a painful empty void.

What is it that you are really feeling there?

You are upset that she isn't filling the void for you, but what is causing the void in the first place?

[givingitmyall]

Well, Thinker, it's like someone wise who told me it is because I expect her to fill that void. So, I'm the cause of that void. Therefore, I am the one who has to fill it.

The question is how, exactly, to do that? I like me, have faith in myself, have confidence and feel strong.

Is it grief masquerading as emptiness? Or resentment? I don't know. I just know what I feel. And the bad parts (which are outweighed by the good) I want to drop like a bad habit.

[brownidmom]

MO3,

I think you're right. But how else does one fill up their own love tank/bank? I have struggled with this question.

GIMA, try being thankful and reading your Bible. I just rededicated myself to GOD two days ago and my love tank is more full than in quite some time.

If my W can't/won't meet my needs right now, what do I do to fulfill myself other than do things that bring me happiness? And I don't mean sex. I know some would suggest dating, but that's not me. Not while I'm M'd.

Nah, me either. When you're married, you're married. Doesn't matter whether you are separated or one day until D is final; gotta wait until it is over.

bim

[givingitmyall]

BIM,

I re-connected with my religion back after the bomb. And it had been a critical part of my life that had been missing for far too long. Now, I read my Bible each day - in the morning before leaving for work - a time of the morning for just me and Him - and I love it.

[givingitmyall]

I was just reviewing emails and found this off of one of the dailys I receive. Pretty cool.

Youth

By Samuel Ullman

Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life.

Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity of the appetite, for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of sixty more than a boy of twenty. Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals.

Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust.Whether sixty or sixteen, there is in every human being’s heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing child-like appetite of what’s next, and the joy of the game of living.

In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the infinite, so long are you young.When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at twenty, but as long as your aerials are up, to catch the waves of optimism, there is hope you may die young at eighty.

[Thinker]

I've got the same hole, the same void.

[givingitmyall]

Maybe it's a wound, not a void. A wound that time, and time alone, heals. I think we can, with the right medicine, speed up the process. But, it still takes time.