What I'm scared of his reaction to the thought of spousal support when I present it. His salary is more than 3x mine and with 20 years of marriage, he's on the hook. I expect to him to be very angry- I've read some of the reactions here of the LBS's to that and they're furious. I don't know the best way to present that part to him.
Whoooooaaaaa. Don't present anything like that to him. Let a lawyer do that. This is about you leaving. Not why you are leaving, not how you are leaving. Just that you are leaving. And I agree with Dudess, my opinion is not to tell him anything at all until you are ready and able to go. There is nothing in his past history to suggest that he will not try to manipulate you after this. I still don't think you should tell him until you are actually going to leave. If you have to do it sooner, then at least make sure you have somewhere to go.
Do not talk about money or support or any of that in persoN, alone, with him. Either do it through attorneys or do it all in email (in writing IOW). He will twist and manipulate and intimidate and make you doubt yourself. Keep it in writing.
