Ah heck sorry about the work thing, that's bad luck.
With regards to the other stuff, I'm proud of you man. You are sounding stronger than ever.
Trust in yourself. No matter what happens, you can handle it.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I really appreciate everyone's support. 2009 just keeps piling on me. But I've reached the point where I'm now numb to all this BS.
It was tough driving back to Pa from NJ (I was working at the NJ plant when it happened) but realized this is just a fast forward in my plans. I had been trying to get back to Pa so I can get full custody of my boys. I had planned on doing it with a job here. Now that I'm back, I'm going to go for full custody now.
I already emailed my lawyer to see what we can get going. I told my WAW that now that I'm back I want to see my boys more.
Forward motion.... forward motion.....
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
You are a survivor. More than that.....I believe in spite of all odds, you are a winner. If you could bottle that attitude you have...and sell it....the world would be a much better place and you would be very, very rich! But then we here on the board know that you already consider yourself a rich man b/c of your children. Your love for them is what will keep you strong & motivated.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You are a survivor. More than that.....I believe in spite of all odds, you are a winner. If you could bottle that attitude you have...and sell it....the world would be a much better place and you would be very, very rich! But then we here on the board know that you already consider yourself a rich man b/c of your children. Your love for them is what will keep you strong & motivated.
Thanks "mom"
I wouldn't be even close to this attitude if it wasn't for you and the others on this board, along with my family and dear griends who keep propping me up.
I told my boys today that I would not be working in NY anymore so I would see them a lot more. My 7 year old really lit up and asked if I had found a job around home. I saw his heart sink when I told him no, that the other company ran out of money like the last one. I gave him a hug and told him I loved him and not to worry as daddy will do his best to figure it out. My 3 year old just said "yay!"
I did talk to 3 recruiters today to let then know what happened. Not a lot to be optimistic about but they said that they will see what they can do.
I told them I would update my resume and this weekend.
I am annoyed that the WAW didn't call again. Second Fri she hadn't. My boys were a little down about it but unfortunately they are used to it.
So life continues. Gotta survive to thrive
FIDO
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Still no call from the WAW to talk to the boys. Crappy part us the boys are so used to it that they don't "care". I stopped asking them if thy want to call as they seem I get sad/mad about it.
I did hear from my lawyer that he will file for spousal support on Mo since I didn't get any severence. He told me that she had talked to her lawyer on Fri already. I also told him I want to go after full custody, just in case she doesn't let me see them more.
Last time, before I found out the truth, I had them every Thurs, Fri and Sat with alternating Weds. I didn't know that just made it easier for her to keep cheating on me. I had thought it would make her sit in her apt by herself in the hopes she would miss the family. Boy was I wrong as I didn't know she had left me for another guy.
This time I'm gonna ask to alternate on Sat.
It's starting to sink in that I'm unemployed with no income. I'm gonna file for unemployment but it'll be a very small fraction of what I was making.
I gotta put my faith that God will not give me and my boys any burden that we can't handle. Ironically when I asked my boys what they wanted to do this weekend, my 3 year old asked about going to church....
Gotta keep believing..... Forward motion via FIDO
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
I gotta put my faith that God will not give me and my boys any burden that we can't handle.
God has a plan for us as long as we are alive on this planet. Therefore, He provides the means for us to stay alive. I've had to remember that when days were dark for us and I didn't know how we were going to make it....but somehow, we always did. Might not be living in the high style we would desire, but He didn't promise high style...just that He would take care of us. So, you are right, keep putting your faith in Him.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
In a way this is a wake up call for me as I was getting into a routine and getting a life with the whole NY thing. I was getting comfortable to the point I could have done it long term. This would not have been the best for my boys. I would have missed a lot and regretted it once they got older. I would have missed the moments.....
My boys called her to ask about staying home tonite. She was reluctant but my 7 year old really pressed her for it. He's her favorite so she folded. She then asked to talk to me. She started on me being nice and working with her but I just told her that now that I'm back I will be seeing my boys a lot more. She said that we can go back to our old schedule and I said I don't think that's gonna work for me
She then said if she has to pay more to support the boys that would really put her in a bad spot financially. I told her that I don't have any income so she will need to figure it out.
I had enough talking with her so I said goodbye. She will freak when she finds I filed for spousal support. This will destroy us financially if I don't fund a job in 6 months. Screw it. It's only things. As long as I'm alive, I can get those things back later, if I still want them......
Putting my faith in God
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
She then said if she has to pay more to support the boys that would really put her in a bad spot financially.
She will freak when she finds I filed for spousal support.
Well what kind of "bad spot" did it put you in for her to cheat on you, lie to you, and tear your family and your marriage apart?
What do you think she would have done had the situation been reversed? She would have likely crushed you in every way possible.
Do as you advised me to do CIPA...take care of yourself and your kids...first and foremost.
She should have considered those consequences when she began doing what she did to you & her children. It wasn't an issue then, she required that immediate gratification, she got it but now that she's come off that "sugar high", reality sets in.
The reality is that she will begin to respect you more now that you're standing up for yourself. Don't expect an award or any recognition, in fact, expect her to go ape $hit in the beginning when this all begins and she receives notification of your support filing.
Expect it and since you're expecting, don't respond in any way to reward her bad behavior when she does go ballistic.
I would continue looking for another job while this is happenings, just to show you're being responsible but I would continue the spousal & child support filing.
She wants to leave you & your children, FINE - let her but it will cost her and we'll see if this price is worth it to her.
The idea behind all of this is the WAS is living in fantasy land. Once they're taken down from the cloud tops and back down on solid ground on planet earth from their great trip to planet fruitopia, they will begin to realize that what they are doing has more implications than they originally considered.
Her being in a bad spot financially isn't your concern, tell her that she didn't mind putting your marriage in a bad spot, she didn't mind putting your emotional wellbeing in a "bad spot", she didn't mind breaking apart the family and putting them in a "bad spot". Her financial "bad spot" is the least of the "bad spots" in this mess.
If she brings up the man card and says things like "if you were a real man you wouldn't file for spousal support", you can reply back with "if you were a real woman you wouldn't break up the family you helped create and cheat on the husband who you chose to marry.... 'nuff said!"
Don't let the conversation continue after this, if she pursues you, you tell her "Look, I've made up my mind, this is my decision and now you're going to have to live with that".
And then leave the room.
She has to know that you're willing to stand up to her and stand up for yourself and you're not going to tolerate her BS anymore and make sure you are confident & poised when saying all of this. If you sound like a wimp during all of this she will eat you alive and spit you out.
