Move over... I 'm moving back......

[sandycay]

You will definitely be awarded rehabilitative spousal support. Your final divorce decree should have wording that says that the need for spousal support is subject to review later. This means the court may look at the facts of a case and determine if spousal support should be continued, discontinued, or the amount changed.

I think it is best that you have the 2 lawyers negotiate for a settlement. Your H is delusional and will be difficult for you to personally negotiate with so as you get a fair deal. Too much emotion involved on both your parts. Treat the thing like a business deal and all should work out. You H is going to notice his financial situation change drastically because of his choices.

Thanks for that info kerry. He keeps thinking he's doing me a favor by paying for the school and I couldnt' help but remind him the judge would make him do it anyway. He doesn't want a lawyer...He thinks it's a waste of money. We maybe be able to agree on things financially. He wants to give me the house and the equity which in this market itsn't much so I will look into that. Also, military retirement, Part of Boeing retirement, Part of American Airlines retirement... problem is that's a long time away from now so I need to support myself now.

He was always good about money before when he left taking care of us. He was more than generous to the fact he went without and we had plenty. That's not fair to him and we need a more realistic resolution. We need to get the financial seperated as quickly as possible because that is what causes hin the most frustration. I understand I am a monkey on his back but I hope to be able to get off as soon as possible and make my own way.... it will just take time. But until I can do that ... We really need to seperate it so it won't be a source of frustration for him therefore, effect our ability to parent our chilren without all the drama.

I am glad that it looks like that won't be the case.

[sandycay]

I think it depends on the state but my L put in the response that any debt happened after date of separation was given to spouse that incurred it. Just make sure you don't sign anything for a loan and the less you know about the boat the better. It will be his responsibility.

Thanks Bison... he said he was told it wouldn't effect me if he signed it, but so far he didn't buy anything today.

[sandycay]

Oh, SC. When it rains it pours, doesn't it? I feel the same way thinking about my stbx building 'our' dream home on the farm and living there with our kids half the time...

This is rough. Not sure if it varies from state to state but here, debt incurred before the d is filed is considered joint debt. Maybe date of separation counts, do you have a way to verify the date of separation??

I am trying not to dwell on the what ifs... it's not productive for me at all... its just sad. The kicker is ... I run the Harbor daily... right around all the boats.... it's so pretty..now that willl be ruined for awhile

Soon, it won't affect me and I look forward till that time, so until it doesn't ... I just will run elsewhere..... but it's right in the downtown area of our little harbor town.... Oh well....

[sandycay]

The question of whether or not I would take him back is not answerable at this point because unless he showed personal growth by attending counseling before he came home it wouldn't happen. I am moving forward with a life without him and if he wakes up in time so be it, if not I will spend the rest of my days happy. I will find love again. Only with true change would I be happy with him. At this point, I see that as a fanstasy or a pipe dream if you will. So, I will not and do not bet on any reconcillation at all. I will be contacting an attorney in the next few days.

You are so right on about this. Unless he gets IC things would never truly change. I like the fact you asked him for the keys to the house. He's about to get a rude awakening. How old are your kids by the way? Is it realistic for them to spend that much time (weekend visitations, a few weeks during summer vacation, etc.) on a boat?

Addie,

My kids are Boy 15...daughter 13... you know it rains where I live a lot during the winter so up here it would be a drag but down in FL there would be stuff to do on boat ya know... you could get in the water and such. Not my problem... our kids have already informed him they dont' wanna spend much time there. My D doesn't like the boat we own now. Of course, she's never been on a boat like what he is looking at purchasing.
It is not realistic to think they would spend more than a night here and there on the boat. What would they do? You can't really swim in the water here even in the summer... it's to cold... It's not like he's gonna take his vacation to keep them in the summer for me.
He doesn't understand that it is not providing them with a home and space to call theirs at his house. They will just be visitors and guest...I am sure it will have at least two staterooms but you can't sleep on a pull out couch in the salon of a boat and feel like your at home. They need that from him but what they need isn't as important as what he wants.

This means I will do the kids 99 percent of the time. That's ok.. they are old enough that I can get out and about and they can stay at home by themselves... shame they would rather do that then spend time with their dad. I really hope that changes and I will do what I can to help facilitate that.

I will have a good relationship with the H for the well being of our kids.

[sandycay]

(((((Sandy)))))

It makes me angry that the kids were his target! I'm glad they feel safe with you.

I agree with you about trying again. You needed to know that you did everything.

HUGS!

Thanks Jeff, I hope that quiets down as he finds his happiness... wonder where he will look next... he seems to have lost it again and again and again...etc....

[smith18]

What is the harbor town if you dont mind me asking. Gig harbor?

Have you ever cruised around in the San Juan Islands?

Back in 1979 at night, I was the first to notice on radar that half the Hood Canal floating bridge was missing because a powerful storm sank it. My Coast Guard Cutter was anchored just south of the bridge as we had just picked up our ammo from Bangor and we were hunkered down before we headed back to our home in Port Angeles. Right after noticing the bridge was destroyed, our anchor chain broke which was amazing because we were 327 feet long and the links are huge for a ship that size.

[sandycay]

K

Wow that's amazing ... The water there can get pretty nasty can't it. I have never cruised the San Jaun's but it's on the list.

Disclaimer to all who have been reading along:

I am tired, I looked back at my post and see quite a few grammatical errors... sorry for that. I just haven't been in the mindset to proof what I write. Sleep is illusive still. I hate that part because no rest means rawer emotions.

[sandycay]

uughhh weekends are lonely! As are the early evenings when kids are busy and I have a little down time.

H surfaced for a soccer game on Sat. but other than that he has been MIA... no contact with the kids or me short of answering a text initiated by my kids.... so much for him "not gonna stiff arm the kids are you this time".

So, I know he doesn't do "alone", so I know there is someone else. My gut has never been wrong. I really don't see his reason for lying as everyone assumes it too. Who does he think he's kidding. At this point, it's like water off a ducks back. It's just immature and ridiculous... and to think he hangs his hat on he wasn't respected and look at all the respect he has been showing his family.... so sad for him.

He was gone week before last and never contacted the kids either. Guess I better start a journal of documentation. I am bummed for my kids, but for me it really helps when I don't have to see him or talk to him. Seeing him yesterday played with mind a little bit but not nearly as much as it used to.

I am excited for the future. I am sad for my past and for my children, but I know it will be ok eventually. I just hate having to go thru all these emotions again, but I am able to process them much more rationally than before and there is no despair and false hopes.

Just journaling!

Plus I saw 2012 last night.... that messed me up too. To much airplane (h is pilot) stuff and heavy duty stuff.. for an action movie.... it really made me overanalyze and feel all weepy. Oh well!

Today church with my kids and then the looooong afternoon.


Still undecided on what to do for Thanksgiving. My C said I should make the decision on whether or not to invite H, not leave it up to the kids. I really don't want to have him here as it would be weird and awkward...but It would be weird for the 3 of us to sit around a big meal. Suggestions anyone?

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((Sandy))))))

If you don't want H there for Thanksgiving I don't think I would ask him. Unless the kids really, really, wanted him there. I forget how old they are.

I think the three of you can have a fine Thanksgiving! I'd be tempted to change things up a bit, really focus on the things the three of you like, and maybe less on any other stuff. I'd also think about doing something different... try to start some new traditions.

[SDFoundGirl]

What if you invited friends or other family to your Thanksgiving? Or you could start a new, fun tradition with just the three of you. Turkey day in the living room, picnic style with a pile of movies and games...I'm not feeling particularly creative, but you get the idea.

Now is the time to be true to yourself. Your H made his choice, and he doesn't seem particularly anxious to spend family moments with his kids.

Whatever you do, make it special for you and the kids.

SD