Our discussion may not take place today after all. H had to go back to the office today since his team didn't get the project finished yesterday, and I have no idea when to expect him back. I'll see how he is when he gets home- I don't want to have that discussion if he's already upset about something else.
I laid out my issues in a previous post- namely failure to set boundaries regarding various issues that almost all tie into sex somehow. Let me now remind myself of H's issues to keep perspective- because it's not all about me! * Emotionally and verbally abusive, especially if challenged. These statements do not mesh with my reality, send me into "Does not compute mode" and put me into a vulnerable, susceptible position to conform to what he wants. "You distorted reality when you spoke at the MC. You presented yourself better than you really are, you're not that good." "You were so much better when you were on medication even if the C doesn't think you need it. I know you better than the C because she doesn't live with you every day" "You're not taking my concerns about you seriously" "If I say it's OK, why wouldn't you want to f*** other guys?" "Doesn't it make you feel good that all these other guys pay attention to you and want to sleep with you?" "I just need sexual variety (meaning partners) in my life- it has nothing to do with my love for you. It's nothing personal." "I may as well not go out to the club if you're not going. I don't stand a chance as a single guy there, we're usually only seriously considered if we have a female partner with us." "You were c***blocking tonight with your attitude and bad vibes! What's your problem?!? There were plenty of guys there that you could have done" "You're brainwashed by a society that says you can't sleep with other people besides your spouse. I said it's OK!" "I think it's so hot to watch you with another guy. I don't understand why you get upset when I'm with another woman."
*Physical aggression masked as playfulness or thoughtlessness I sometimes end up getting hurt when he starts being "playful". I tense up to protect myself, not reciprocate the playfulness. I've been hit in the face more than once when he's stealing my pillows, he kneed me in the mouth and split my lip while goofing around, he kicked me in the same leg that I had knee surgery on earlier in the day to get me to roll over when I was snoring, etc.
*Sexual entitlement If I'm not in the mood, he sees no reason why he should suffer. Only societal restrictions say we need to limit ourselves sexually to our spouse. Photographing other women without their knowledge. Not illegal, but certainly inappropriate and creepy! Sexual innuendo and comments at inappropriate situations.
*Projection of his own issues onto me Feelings of frustration at being an introvert. He highly desires to be more outgoing and social. Lashes and vents at me when pissed at other people. He avoids confrontations/discussions with the actual people he's upset with. Difficulty in recognizing/apologizing when he's hurt me emotionally or physically. He often gets mad that I'm upset so I try not to show that I'm hurting.
So there it stands. I have my issues, and he has his.
