Hi Rabbit, I think that is a good way of looking at it sometimes. I really do feel I have three teenagers in the house and one launched out of the nest.
I think that H is becoming very scared of the likely soon-coming consequences as word will inevitably get out. It seems that there may be more people (as is always the case, isn't it?) that picked up something "wrong" between H and OW and there has been talk for some time. So, I think the surfing around for places to live is some desperate attempt to escape the inevitable. I didn't say much, because at this point I don't even know if I would be willing to move down the street with him let alone across the country.
I would really like some DB community input on the question of the day: to separate or not to separate.
I have managed to slow down H's initial decision to do that right away. I know DBing is harder when separated.
But.... would it not force him to take more responsibility? He would have to explain to our kids as well as others why he moved out. At this point the kids don't know anything. He is still acting like the devoted family man.
And... sometimes I think it would be easier on me emotionally to set boundaries and detach if I am not constantly dealing with the "sham" of what appears to be a normal marriage but isn't.
Is it a cop out? It would mean less accountability to me. He could be continuing contact with OW with less liklihood I would know. Although it is his sister he is moving in with and she supports my DB approach. She would tell me if he didn't come home one night or something.
Help.... I am confused! And, H and I will be discussing this so i need to have some firm sense of what I feel is best and reasons to explain my position.
