For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

Wow...okay. Well, I guess I AM a mess, but some of the things that were just posted, brought me to tears. Like I said, I fully admit that it was childish. Guility as charged!

But...when you've sat for 16 months (13 of which H has been gone), hoping, praying, pleading, talking, crying, worried, stressed out, broken hearted, feeling hopeless and horrible bc your DD might be a victim of divorce, you tend to get emotionally charged and do some stupid crap!

I really don't need to hear that my H is screwing the OW. Sorry, but that just doesn't help, even if it's true.

And I know feeling sorry myself isn't going to help. Trust me, I've been working on 180s/GAL. As you can all see, I'm a work in progress. But, I have taken steps: I'm doing more things with friends, just went to NY to visit a friend (HUGE for me), I'm taking a new class, joined a mom's group...I'm working on me. I really am. I just had a bad moment.

I hate childish drama. I coached middle school cheerleading for 4 years and I work with middle school and high school kids...that drama annoys the CRAP out of me. If I did that tonight, we'll shoot me. I made a mistake. I'm only a hurting human being who might have finally discovered her H's A. And yep, I acted like a fool. What more can I say?

[courts0818]

Okay, deep breath. ...Smack to the head, moving on. I made a mistake, acted like a jackass - the good news is, I can only do better.

I stepped outside for a breath of fresh air.

I'm done playing games with H. I learned tonight it just ends up hurting ME. I will contiune the 180s and GAL. In fact, I'm about to freshen up my hair and make up and go out with a girlfriend. No game playing, no texting H, just goona have fun. Oh yeah...and let some guys think I'm hot and buy me a drink! How's that for a recovery? lol

And I get it. Playing games and being deceitful, well...it's just stupid. Back to being nice, friendly, happy, bubbly and mysterious. That's the way to go. Live and learn.

Might need a shot tonight to pretend all this dumb crap never happended. Where's the lucky guy that's gonna buy it for me? ; )

Oh...thankful for 2nd (and 3rd and 4th and 5th and....) chances.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Courtney)))))

Learn and move moving.

You sound a lot better. One bad day doesn't make or break things.

I'm a bit to far away to get you that shot.... sending a virtual one!

[Gardener]

That is why it is best to reveal as little as possible to the WAS about what you are doing and who you are doing it with. It might make them wonder and it might not have any effect on them at all BUT it does help eliminate childish drama.

Spot on, CityGirl!

[courts0818]

lol, I'll take it Jeff!

I took a step back. Read what I had texted (and posted). Saw how stupid it was.

I'm sure there's more stupidity in my future, but enough beating myself up about it. We all have our moments. Not my finest, by any means, but oh well! I'm human.

[TooLateForMe]

Um, I think you're better than you think. Emotion winds us up and we get locked into that cycle of thinking about the same things over and over. But once you get out of that, you're pretty sane, right?

Important, stop bashing yourself. Even when you do something dumb, it's best to move forward.

Don't interpret his reaction, either. I've said some harmless things to my W and gotten the riot act read to me. You can't read his mind or you'd have this all figured out by now. Drama fades and it's not like you set his car on fire.

[bluerain]

Hey, dont get carried away tonight, all this stress seems like a recipe for a blubbering mess who sends off some drunk texts! No, I havent EVER been there before...

[Lll54]

Wait 24 hours before you take any course of action. You need to simmer down. Wait it out.

[TrentC]

I need help! I'm so confused. I tried bluffing tonight and my H called me out. I'm clueless as to what I should say or do.

I was worried that something like this would happen. And that this would be the result.

All you can do is start again. Like V_H says, don't act on your emotions right now; all you will do is make things worse.

[bluerain]

Hey Courtney, heres something that antlers put up on someone elses thread. I think that you can gain from it too.

"there's a lot to be said for letting him know you respect yourself enough to let go of the people that don't value you."

Forget about convincing him of anything besides that you are ready to be respected, by everyone, including him. I think that this is what you need to focus on. You said it yourself, you deserve better than this.

Go out and get better, for yourself and your DD, if he is man enough for you to let him come along for the ride, then lucky him, if not...