Trying LRT - Please Help!

[Gardener]

mo3,

To which he responded, "Regarding Christmas, I am open to what works for you. Right now, it looks like I would have them Christmas Eve and then I can bring them over on Christmas morning for you as soon as they get up.

So, "I am open to what works for you, but here's what I'm going to do.'??
Tell him, "I'm so glad you're 'open to what works for' me. Thank you for that. You have them Christmas Eve and since I'm sure you'd agree that the only place children should wake up on Christmas morning is home in their own beds, please bring them home late christmas Eve after you've opened presents even if they're already asleep.":If he balks, repeat that the children will be waking up in their beds at home on Christmas morning, period.

So what's my beef you ask? Because Thanksgiving Day falls on Thursday he will get the kids on that Wednesday and Thurday and return them to me on Friday afternoon as it is my weekend with them.

When my STBXW and I married, we solved these easily. To save the kids (hers and mine) the anguish of having to choose which parent to be with (they were old enough to choose) wife and I switched our Thanksgiving to Friday. Everybody was happy, no conflicts, the kids got two thanksgiving meals/celebrations. Wife and I kind of had two Thanksgivings, too. AND an extra day to cook and prepare. Same thing with Christmas: Celebrate, eat, exchange presents Christmas Eve. Kids then went to other parents' houses Christmas Day. Perfect solution all around. We've continued the tradition for 17 years (although it's all shot to hell this year)

[motherof3]

Britt - You may be right. It probably is a little early to be making Christmas arrangements. I am such a planner. Always have been. Maybe I will sit on a response for now.

G - Thanks for you input. I liked your suggested response.

[motherof3]

I am having such a hard time holding it together right now.

My H just sent me an FYI email. "...I do know that my brother and family are planning to be back [in hometown] from Dec. 30th through that weekend so if you want them [kids] during that time, I would need to know soon." I didn't respond to him.

It is H's weekend to have the kids so I have no problem in that aspect. It is just that I want to be there so badly visiting his family too. It hurts to know that they will be together without me. At this point, it is not so much that I will miss H, but rather miss seeing my kids and their cousins play together. I will miss hanging out with his parents. And the list goes on.

I know that this is over a month away, but I just feel so...I can't even find the right words. I realize this is just a pity party right now, but can't help it.

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. It'll be my first apart as well. Five weeks ago my W called to kind of work these out and I couldn't keep it together. I forced the R talk and got the "I haven't changed my mind" talk.

So I won't do that again. In my case, the weekends work in my favor so my W will have to make requests.

When I see her now I see nothing but happiness that I'm gone -- I know, believe half of what you see -- still no hesitation. In my heart, I believe she'll have to have some regret Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.

Things I'll miss? The annual trip to the Tree Farm north of here. W would pick out the tree. We'd all buy Wassle -- a heated apple juice -- do a little shopping. The girls would play with the puppies. This place has a couple of dogs who they make sure give birth right around Christmas.

Then we cart the tree home, I saw the bottom off and we put it up. Last year it was really lopsided and it took us an hour just to get it to stand up properly.

I'm still finalizing some things. She's taking them the night before Thanksgiving and the day after. I have them the day of and am taking them to my uncle's house.

For Christmas, my brother-in-law has invited me to his house about two hours away for Christmas Eve. I may or may not.

Christmas, they'll either wake up at W's or I'll drive them over there first thing. Then I'll get them back that night.

For New Year's Eve, it's a Thursday, so they'll be at W's house and I'll go out. The next day? I'm not sure.

Everything about this sucks.

[motherof3]

Yes. It'll be my first apart as well. Five weeks ago my W called to kind of work these out and I couldn't keep it together. I forced the R talk and got the "I haven't changed my mind" talk.

The R talk with H is on the tip of my tongue. I just hope that I can refrain from this as I am sure right now his response would also be the same.

Things I'll miss? The annual trip to the Tree Farm north of here. W would pick out the tree. We'd all buy Wassle -- a heated apple juice -- do a little shopping. The girls would play with the puppies. This place has a couple of dogs who they make sure give birth right around Christmas.

Then we cart the tree home, I saw the bottom off and we put it up. Last year it was really lopsided and it took us an hour just to get it to stand up properly.

Sounds like fun. We do/did something very similar every year. I still plan on doing the same traditions so I guess H will be missing out. I just hope he comes to that realization.

Everything about this sucks.

Agreed.

[Lost Rabbit]

Hi Mo3

Hope you dont mind another one popping in!

If H had them wake up at his house on Thanksgiving, its only fair that you are able to do so on Xmas day, thats part of the fun anyway. I wouldnt worry too much about your kids not seeing their cousins, what makes you think that his family will not want to see you at all? You never know they may want to catch up with you too, you have been part of their family too remember. Just take time to think things through, dont let panic or demands spur you into action that you need more time to think about!

[motherof3]

Hope you dont mind another one popping in!

I don't mind at all. I am always eager to gain new insight from other people.

I email or chat with my MIL at least once a week. She is constantly telling me that I am invited to visit at anytime. However, unless I receive a direct invitation to spend the weekend with them (they live a considerable amount of driving distance from me) I will not be inviting myself.

Just take time to think things through, dont let panic or demands spur you into action that you need more time to think about!

You are absolutely right. Thanks for the reminder.

[motherof3]

Think I just took a couple steps back in DBing. I guess I just wanted to test the waters. H called to speak with the kids and afterwards I got on the phone and asked if he would like to go have a couple of drinks tonight. And of course he said no. Apparantly he had just gotten home from tailgating all day and then going to a football game. I would like to think that his response was related to bad timing on my request. But who knows? I don't plan on asking him again anytime soon.

[Serenity13]

(((((mo3)))))

Maybe one step back - You know not to pursue and I don't hand out 2x4's unless I really have to - Please don't make me start now lol.

No water testing anymore - It is way to soon anyway, though I do understand why you did it...

I still fall back about once a month and ask questions -

Questions I know in my heart he isn't ready to answer yet I still ask and each and every time, I end up hurt and back here questioning what I am doing even trying.

Time is your friend/Patience is key - Remember that

[motherof3]

Oh no, not the 2x4's!

I should have known better. Next time I will try and check in with you all first. Someone would have set me straight.

Nothing left to do but get back in the saddle again.