Hoping WAW will someday see through the fog....

[shellshockedga]

PDT, I am a slow learner, but after a while I get it.

She intitiated it. It was driven by an email regarding D terms she wants to which I did respond "No." Nothing else. She then followed up with another email asking me to reconsider using words like "begging you to " and "Love, WAS". I did not respond at all to it.

And of course I did not send the above note. The forum just provided the best outlet for me. Once I got it out of my system, I was in good shape. I have to tell you that I am so gald this place exists.

I will be working towards another non confrontational, non pursuing day today. She clearly is set on this "D" path, so I expect papers soon. We shall see.......

[shellshockedga]

Well, it was somewhat of a sad, but eye opening morning. Without going into detail, found the WAS in her car with OM heading off for the weekend. Confronted them, took appropriate photos. Now just attempting to digest all of this. Of course it was not a suprise, but still, the act of seeing it in person can be challenging to digest.

She has called a total of 17 times so far this afternoon and left two vmails. I answered none and at one point just plain turned the phone off. I cant beleive that speaking to the WAS at this point would benefit anyone.

Of course I told her not to her come back to the house, but that will not be enforceable from a legal standpoint right now. With both the boys in the house, under my extremely careful and watchful eye, I dont want to box her belongings up. I have, however, begun removing all pictures of her in the house.

I will submit the pictures to L as further evidence of A with OM. Of course, they are nothing more than pictures, but compelling when added to the rest.

Not sure what to do now. I have gone totally Dark. Unplugged home phone, turned off cell phone. Both sets of grandparetns are aware of sitch and know the kids are safe at home. I have to travel on Wednesday and was going to use WAS as sitter for kids. Now not sure what to do with that either. FIL & MIL have offered to watch them for me since they live in same city.

Again, nothing new except now I know for sure. One open item, OM says he is in the process of divorcing his W. Should I alert her(are there legal ramifications of this?) and if so, what is the best method? What would I gain, what could I potentially lose? I feel right now that my reasons would be vendictive. Not sure that is a good idea.

[Gnosis]

Shell I've never commented on your thread before. Because its Sat. and slow here on the weekends I decided to post.

With the punch in the gut you've just received I think you handled the situation excellently. Disconnecting all lines of communication and refusing to talk to her was a very wise decision. Remember to hold off for 48 hours before making a decision. Anger causes us to make mistakes.

As for exposing the affair to the OM's W. I'm very pro-affair exposure as long as its not being done for petty revenge. His wife deserves to know the real reasons why her marriage is being ruined. 99% of the time she is being lied to and doesn't know the truth. Exposure enables her to prepare herself accordingly because no one will ever tell her the truth until its too late for her. Wait 48 hours and get some more feedback on this too.

Best method depends on you. Personally I would do it face to face (but that's just me, and I have the gonads to do it). When you do, give her a copy of the photos you took = to prove it.

Good for you for standing up to her and telling her not to return to the house. She has moved out correct? What are the implications of changing the locks to the house to prevent her from entering. A good excuse could be that you lost the keys...

Think carefully about this, while you are pondering read up on how RobX handled the exact same situation you are in. If it scares you, bear in mind that he is one of more successful DB'ers on the board, and last I read, his wife is coming around.

Stay strong bro.

[Gnosis]

Oh, I forgot to add this in as well. Judging from the number of times she's tried to get through to you she is PANICKED. It's a small consolation, but congratulations on destroying their "fun filled" weekend.

The shoe is on the other foot temporarily. You have some power now. Use it wisely and to your own benefit. Both of them are going to have an extremely uncomfortable weekend not knowing what you're going to do.

[Gardener]

shellshocked,

Of course it was not a suprise, but still, the act of seeing it in person can be challenging to digest.

Oh. my God, I can imagine so!

She has called a total of 17 times so far this afternoon and left two vmails. I answered none and at one point just plain turned the phone off. I cant beleive that speaking to the WAS at this point would benefit anyone.

Good. Keep that up.

Of course I told her not to her come back to the house, but that will not be enforceable from a legal standpoint right now. With both the boys in the house, under my extremely careful and watchful eye, I dont want to box her belongings up.

I understand. Can you at least start when kidlets are asleep?

I have, however, begun removing all pictures of her in the house.

Good start. Good compromise.

Stay dark. Take MIl & FIL up on their offer to watch kids. You have photos. Show them to OM's STBX (if that's even true) Show them to MIL & FIL. Expose, expose, expose!

[shellshockedga]

gnosis and Gardner, thanks for dropping by and providing some insight. had two more calls thiseveneiing, both of which i did not answer.

tomorrow looms large, but at least i have a good 8 hours of sleep after the football game.

[mishka422]

Shell,

I think you handled that amazingly well. I had to play private eye with my xh too to expose his A. I took pics and gave them to my L. She filed them as evidence in case of court proceedings. As I'm sure you know, in GA adultery is still considered while awarding custody and alimony. Not in CS though as that is completely by formula.

You can't legally change the locks unless she has signed away rights to all property or you have a legal document in place stating that the house is yours alone. You can renig on the whole stupid 'nest' concept though. She wants the D, she faces the consequences of her selfish stupidity. She stays in the apt. and gets no support from you. Period.

CAJONES! CAJONES! CAJONES!

It's going to take a very large pair to stick to this, but I think you are just the man to do it.

[shellshockedga]

Mishka, thank you. The hard part is ahead, but I can handle it (as coach would say).

I will come of the high by tomorrow, so I suspect it will be harder day. Have Church planned in the morning , maybe a trip to the aquarium afterwards.

In a strange way, I wouldstill like to see this have a good ending. Dont knwo if that is all possible. I dont know if she is now ashamed of what she has done. I guess some of this will be how the OM deals with it. He told me she was a liar and lied to him for the last two months. Way to be thrown under the bus. Unfortunately, I dont think she heard that as she was to busy screaming at me.

Well 18 calls later (none answered) and two voicemails.

All my doors are locked including the garage door, but she could stil;l enter. She has keys.

Real question is whether to confront OM's seperated wife.

The Alimony and Custody issues are goingto be hard for her. What a shame.....

[mishka422]

What did he say she had lied to him about? Curious minds want to know.

[shellshockedga]

Mishka, he didnt say. My guess was she was telling him she was divorced etc...But dont want to be a mind reader. Was a failry heated discussion as you can imagine.