Not Me...Ever part 2

[CityGirl]

HI!

Sorry about just busting in on your thread with my own 2 cents (RE: writing but not sending letters). I do try and read all the threads because I learn so much from them but don't always comment as sometimes it seems I open my big mouth far too often

My godmother sent me a card a while back and I *loved* the verse in it. It read as follows:

Peace does not come from knowing how you will find it, or when it will come or what it will be. Peace comes from simply knowing you will find it soon.

[brownidmom]

(((Gardener))) (((BIM)))

Hijack away

(((Serenity))) Thanks, I appreciate your indulgence.

G ~ I am back to my serene self now that I purged my black thoughts with the letter to H - A part of me wants to send it (I won't) and part of me knows he would either ignore it or use it against me somehow - Besides I think if I said I sent it Puppy would somehow find a way to literally come through my computer and smack me upside my head. I felt better getting it out and that is what matters. I am calm and collected, I just hate to hear those words come out of my sons' mouth, hate he is even thinking the thoughts and hate I can't make it all better. However I will put forth my best effort to keep his mind occupied on other happier things, should be easy since he is 6 and has the attention span of a dust bunny (j/j) ;

Don't you just wish that WAS didn't have cotton in their ears and rocks in their heads when we try saying these kinds of things to them?!?! They either get it or they don't. Glad for you that it was cathartic, though.

B ~ I am so happy about your rededication! That should bring some much needed peace as long as you continue to look up for answers and not around (easier said then done). You will come to learn I am a very firm believer in the fact that each and every person in your life, no matter the length, is there for a purpose...I don't believe in coincidences either, I believe in signs from God showing me the way. The signs are there all around us, we just have to open ourselves up to actually seeing them - Big and small.

I am at peace. I still don't know how I am going to deal with everything, but I know I can take it one moment at a time, one day at a time and me and my boys will come out of this state we are currently in SOON and we will be better than just okay.

This brings me to tears...This is what I personally hoped for and what seemed to take the longest in my sitch...I fought it every step of the way as well as the advice I received, the help that was offered, the ears that were willing to listen etc...For some dumb reason, I thought I had to do this on my own - Whew, glad I don't think that way anymore lol!

Honor your anniversary, I did this last month actually...It was our 20th and I couldn't help but think we should have been in Vegas getting remarried in some cheesy roadside chapel (something we had been planning for awhile) however we weren't. I didn't say anything to him however I had most of the day to myself and just basically did things I enjoyed. He didn't contact me at all that day (that stung) however did tell me the next day Happy Anniversary.

(((Hugs)))

I am at peace now. Went to sleep last night with a smile on my face and woke up with one this morning. Both times, my prayers started with THANK YOU. I had forgotten how to count my blessings when I felt that the loss of my M was more important than most other things. Now I know better.

We went to the movies this afternoon and then to Olive Garden. The movie was horrible but it was time spent with the boys. H fell asleep, yes, very bad movie. When we got home and H was heading out to a meeting, I approached him and gave him a peck on the lips and said, "A kiss for you on our anniversary." Then I walked away. I was pleasant but was not looking for any sort of response or acknowledgement from him. I didn't even look back to see his response because I didn't do it for him. I did it for me, to be true to how I feel and what I believe.

Oh, MIL called right as we got home to tell us Happy Anniversary. I thanked her and sent the phone with S6 downstairs to give to H.

All in all, a good day. Wishing for you the same, Serenity.

BIM

[brownidmom]

Serenity,

I got this in an email this morning and wanted to share ~

"It is a privilege and honor that God is allowing my spouse and I and our marriage to be used this way.
To be used for the purposes of the Kingdom of God so with my present suffering and the future restoration of our marriage our Lord is given the glory He deserves and lives are touched and changed.
Those of us God has asked to stand for our marriages and pray our prodigal spouses home are an honored and privileged few who walk a very special and blessed road.
It is a hard and difficult road, but it is a life-changing, faith changing road.
We are very fortunate."

What a fantastic & positive way to look at this journey

(((Hugs)))

Seems like we must hang around a similar crowd. Yesterday, the woman that I talked to and confided in, after I finished my saga, was smiling from ear to ear with tears in her eyes and said to me, "I am so excited for you. We don't all get the opportunity to be a part of something this big."

At first, I thought she must be crazy and then it occurred to me that she might just be right. If this is a test of faith and of grace, we will pass that test, Serenity. And if we are to help others, including our H's, find their way back to God, our actions are all that can do that. I have realized that my words cannot do anything to improve my sitch at all. My words are what delivered the sting that led my H to put us on this path we are now on.

It really is all about how you look at things. In the words of Dr. Wayne Dyer, " When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

Peace and blessings,
BIM

[rockedworld]

Thank you BIM... what an encouragement to me as well! Serenity, you have been an inspiration to me many times. Blessings to you both...
Rocked

[Serenity13]

City ~ I welcome it and no apologies are ever necessary!

Peace does not come from knowing how you will find it, or when it will come or what it will be. Peace comes from simply knowing you will find it soon.

So perfect - Thank you!


BIM ~ I know I some would not agree with this action however I am glad you can admit it was for you and not seeking anything in return...Sorry the movie sucked though lol!

I was pleasant but was not looking for any sort of response or acknowledgement from him. I didn't even look back to see his response because I didn't do it for him. I did it for me, to be true to how I feel and what I believe.

This isn't true - It may have been part of the problem however you speaking your mind (you know free will and all) isn't what lead to the demise of you marriage - Communication breakdown - It takes 2 for the marriage to thrive and 2 for the marriage to crumble.

My words are what delivered the sting that led my H to put us on this path we are now on.

Remember this - James 3:8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

I am so guilty of speaking before I think however I am learning (yes a little slower then others lol) to bite my tongue or walk away instead of getting into a confrontation.

Yesterday, the woman that I talked to and confided in, after I finished my saga, was smiling from ear to ear with tears in her eyes and said to me, "I am so excited for you. We don't all get the opportunity to be a part of something this big.".

And that my friend is what I call a sign.


Rocked ~ Another new (to me) person - I welcome you

you have been an inspiration to me many times.

Thank you so much for your kind words - Just seeing that you took the time to make that comment means a great deal to me. I hope to see more of you around - Then again that wouldn't be the greatest choice of words however you know what I mean.

(((Hugs)))

[brownidmom]

Serenity,

This isn't true - It may have been part of the problem however you speaking your mind (you know free will and all) isn't what lead to the demise of you marriage - Communication breakdown - It takes 2 for the marriage to thrive and 2 for the marriage to crumble.

My words are what delivered the sting that led my H to put us on this path we are now on.

I was not referring to speaking my mind; I was referring to lying to him about my having sex with someone else when I was 19 yo, after I met him, but before I had sex with him AND before I loved him.

Yesterday, the woman that I talked to and confided in, after I finished my saga, was smiling from ear to ear with tears in her eyes and said to me, "I am so excited for you. We don't all get the opportunity to be a part of something this big.".

And that my friend is what I call a sign.

Sure is! And I am done with ignoring the signs. I am guilty of trying to rationalize things away. God has been speaking to me and I haven't been listening. No more.

And how are you today? ((Serenity))

bim

[Serenity13]

I was referring to lying to him about my having sex with someone else when I was 19 yo, after I met him, but before I had sex with him AND before I loved him

This still blows my mind - Almost like your life began the moment he walked into it

I haven't finished reading through your whole post yet though so I am reserving judgement at the moment

I am good tonight, doing some laundry, trying to find a house, having some coffee, nursing a bruise that my blonde butt received falling as I was walking up steps today and not paying attention, hanging with you all - Life couldn't be better

[Gardener]

Serenity,
Regarding your recent post (I forget to whom):

Romans 5:3-5
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

I've always believed that pain becomes suffering only when we don't accept it.

Also, by way of much needed diversions: I recently read four excell[/b]ent novels:
1) John The Baptizer by Brooks Hansen [b][b]Great[/b]!
2) Luke's Storyby Jeffrey Jenkins How Luke went from slave to physician (and boyhood/lifelong friend of Saul/Paul) to Gospel author.

Also, Ann Rice (she of the plethora of gothic vampire novels) was born again and has written two novelized versions of Jesus' life:Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt,[u] and [u]Christ the Lord: Road to Cana. It's a trilogy and she is writing the third now. I read the first two and they were wonderful. She tied it all in so well, the young Jesus, the culture, terrain, country, customs, etc.

I cannot recommend any of the four too highly.
Got 'em all at the Library, too.
(())
_________________________

[rockedworld]

That post was to me Gardener...

Good point.
I am making note of your book suggestions as I am looking for some good books to occupy my mind during this upside down time in my life!

Serenity... thanks for visiting my thread and for your encouragement!

[Gardener]

Serenity,
Pls go see SpyBunny even if you don't know entire sitch. Needshelp.