I have not read your entire thread so please pardon me if some of this seems ill advised. I am commenting on the text exchange you posted above.
IMO this is nothing more than high school drama type crap that you and H both participated in. It happens when emotions are high, anger is present and trust is breached but it does NOTHING to help the situation. Nothing.
A WAS does not care what you do (EX: date) because they don't want to be with you, are usually already with somebody else or are out looking for somebody else and they view you as the obstacle to their happiness and freedom.
Once my H was deeply invested in his affair I could have called him and told him my head was on fire, the house blew up, his beloved set of extra golf clubs he left behind melted and the planet would implode in 12 hours. He would not have cared. He would have found a way to turn it all around on me and bash and blame me more. Your H will do the same.
That is why it is best to reveal as little as possible to the WAS about what you are doing and who you are doing it with. It might make them wonder and it might not have any effect on them at all BUT it does help eliminate childish drama.
Of course you can handle this, you just have to handle it in a different way. 'Cause this way is not healthy or productive AT ALL.
Your H will not care if you have a date because he is already screwing OW and in his twisted mind that would make the two of you even and he wouldn't have to feel guilty for being a cheat.
Do not engage in such nonsense anymore. It is the only way to regain your sanity and set some personal ground rules.
Learning of an A hurts like hell. It takes your breath away. It is horrible. I will not tell you otherwise because when I learned of my H's A I actually threw up. It is the ultimate betrayal between two people. There are many schools of thought on how to deal with an A and I know mine is not the popular one but it was right for *me*. Read up on how others have handled A's and come up with your own plan.
