Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

Another update.

Picked my D up for lunch today (we do that every Friday when she's at school) and my D said to me that my W, on Wednesday, after a few minutes after I left, asked if 'daddy had a girlfriend'. My D told her 'no' but again, strange question to ask given her sitch with the OM.

It's get's more and more strange.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's not really strange, P. Pretty typical, actually.

Puppy

[P17]

It's not really strange, P. Pretty typical, actually.

Ah, okay It looks strange to me. I suppose it means she must still be the slightest bit interested or she wouldn't have cared.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Just because a woman doesn't want you, doesn't mean they want ANOTHER woman to have you.

[P17]

LOL ... I forgot about that.

Then again they say women like unavailable men. You can't get much more unavai1able than one who is attached!

[P17]

As usual after speaking to IC, I don't feel so great today so I'm thinking that perhaps the NC should start this weekend as it's as good a time as any. I'm still a little torn after what Sandi2 said before about there being no rush on it. It's harder some day than others though.

W contacted me yesterday morning telling me she is free on Wednesday to spend time with D and wants me to let her know what time is best to come around.

I have also decided to contact her family and CLOSE friends about the situation. I have come up with the following message:

"
Hello,

I am contacting you as a friend of W.

W is having an adulterous affair with a previous work colleague, OM, from <OM last place he lived>. These past 12 months of our marriage have been testing on both sides, with illnesses and fighting for contact with our D, but 7 years of love, commitment and support is a lot to throw away.

I have heard many stories about the reasons for the affair, none of which are true. When listening to them, please remind yourself that there are two sides to every story. So far I have chosen to keep my marriage private and not wash my dirty linen in public.

I love her, want to save the marriage and OM is a third party in the way of that.

If you care about W then please encourage her to make the right choices for her family.

Please feel free to contact me if you would like more information.

Many thanks,

BS
"

Feel free to take a large 2x4 to my head but I have heard so many stories that I am simply sick and tired of keeping quiet about them. Every one of them is utter nonsense and every one of them casts me out to be the bad guy - I know this is just W's rewriting of history but when do I get a chance to enough is enough? At the moment I've simply had enough.

The email above is just a very quick draft. I've tried to make sure it doesn't come across as weak but I'm no expert which is why I'm posting here.

My plan is to contact these people and then go NC.

[chatterbug]

Ok P. So you want to expose now.

The goal is to? Set the story straight? Show your not a monster? Attack the WAS?

List out the current exposure and time lines and reactions from those people and WAS.

List out who you are now planning to expose to and how your going to do this.

Are you going to send a no contact letter?
How will you communicate about Daughter?
Do you have an IM setup if you go completely dark?
Do you understand excatly what your doing here?
Do you have the strenght to follow thru with this path?
Do you have outlets set up to contact when you waiver?
Do you have your short loving answers for when people ask you about your wife?
Do you understand that NC means you do not find out info on your wife in any fashion from any means?

Answer these questions please.

As you have a few items planned here.

Lets see your plan.

[P17]

The goal is to? Set the story straight? Show your not a monster? Attack the WAS?

My goal is not to attack her as that is vindictive. I want to simply to give people the opportunity to find out the truth. The rumours and stories are getting beyond a joke.

List out the current exposure and time lines and reactions from those people and WAS.

There has been no real exposure so far from me. W has done all the exposure. Reactions Im not sure of as nobody is talking to me about it. Heard nothing from her family at all, although I know her parents support her.

List out who you are now planning to expose to and how your going to do this.

Immediate family, close friends and work colleagues via Facebook or email. I dont know his family or friendscso the only way to expose for him is all his Facebook friends. Im not sure about that one though.

Are you going to send a no contact letter?

Yes.

How will you communicate about Daughter?

Contact for D will also stop. D is getting false hope and getting angry and afraid of my W leaving her. D is not Ws D.

Do you have an IM setup if you go completely dark?

No. Do I need one? I could ask a friend.

Do you understand excatly what your doing here?

I believe so. I am cutting contact so that my D and I can grieve for the loss we both feel, heal and move on with our lives. We dont have any other options available to us.

Do you have the strenght to follow thru with this path?

I believe so. I wont know for sure until I do it. However, as I said, there are no other options available.

Do you have outlets set up to contact when you waiver?

I have an IC and friends. Is this what you mean?

Do you have your short loving answers for when people ask you about your wife?

No. Didnt think of that. Nobody has asked me anything about her so far. What were you thinking?

Do you understand that NC means you do not find out info on your wife in any fashion from any means?

Short of one slipup a few days ago I have not been listening to anything. In fact I have told friends to keep anything they find out to themselves.

Answer these questions please.

As you have a few items planned here.

Lets see your plan.

I hope this answers them. I am happy for criticism or 2x4's. Thats why I post and ask for advice.

[chatterbug]

P17. I am going to think about my answer tonight. And get back to you in the morning. I do agree 100% with you on the path of taking this over and controlling your life and protecting yourself and your daughter. You need to read up on the IM. Its a very difficult role for someone to take on. As they need to completely understand their role. So choose very wisely. They also need to know to protect you and your daughter no matter what.

[P17]

I appreciate that, I really do.

My one concern about exposure is that OM has been here for just over a month now ... I should have done this way before now!