My H and I have been together since we were 17 years old. We married at 20 and in July had our 21st anniversary. Our daughter is 20 years old. A week ago he left. We are both 41 years old.
This is not the first time he left but this time he was gone when I got home from work and has a place of his own. He left once before in June of '08. He left for the day and then came back to talk and stayed.
I do believe that he is "lost". I believe there is some depression issues and possibly some midlife crisis issues. He of course does not see this.
Our daughter graduated high school in 2007 and from there we started planning on him going back to college to get his Ph.D. This would mean quitting our jobs, selling our house and moving 400 miles away. We had had some stress during this time but it seemed like it was understandable considering what we were about to do.
We were prepared to move on July 15, 2008 and about 3 weeks before that is when I woke up one morning to a note on the kitchen cupboard saying that he no longer wanted to be married, he wanted to independent and live on his own - ILYBNILWY
He ended up coming back home that day. I threw myself on him begging him not to leave with the promise that things would get better because we were moving, he was finally getting to pursue his dream of a Ph.D. He said he would give it 6 months to see how things were going. He stayed and we moved.
The first months were hard because I felt like I was walking on eggshells. Never sure what I might do or not do that might give him the feeling that he needed to be alone and away from me. We passed the 6 month mark and I felt that we were starting to move forward.
Two days before he finally left he came home to tell me that he just couldn't do it anymore. Again I begged and pleaded and he stayed. He waited for me to go to work on Friday, packed his stuff and left. He wrote a letter to my friend telling her what he was doing so she could be there when I got home. I came home to a dark house and my friend.
It has been 8 days now. I am still numb. We have seen each other 2 times in this period and we are having breakfast tomorrow morning.
I bought DR yesterday and spent most of last night and this morning reading it. I have hope. I have faith in the man I married (where ever he is buried inside this shell).
We have an appointment with a therapist but not for another 10 days (I am going out of town next week for a conference). I feel though that our agendas might be very different and I worry about that.
I am concerned about his mental health because I do believe he has some depression issues.
Anyone out there that can shed some light on the depression issue?
Thanks!!
Kelly
M - 41 WAH - 41 D - 20 M-21 years T-24 years Separated - Nov 6, 2009
