how to 180 when you've been too independent?

[avermont]

Back again for more wisdom--I am so happy I finally started posting. Getting support and advice has been wonderful.

Question to which I am sure I already know the answer:
Sitch: Mail arrived addressed to gf at THE HOUSE. As in my/my partner's house. Biotch gave this address to the bank?? Anyhow, I thought I would keep quiet about it, in order to intercept any other mail that might provide useful information. But that, of course, means shaking with tension and stress everytime I check the mail.
Sitch: I believe bf is totally in la-la limbo happy affair land. Has ABSOLUTLY no idea how much I am hurting. Because I have always been tough, strong, independent, and have been "acting" that way since the break up, I am sure he has convinced himself that this whole ordeal is no big deal to me.
SO: do I send her letter to him with a note from me saying--I am in a great deal of pain, very devastated, doing my best to get counseling, healing, etc, but please realize and respect my feelings right now. Please ensure that gf mail goes to the right place.
or something like that.
What does this gain me?
showing my feelings
breaking the silence about feelings that was at the core of our problems in our R
setting boundaries on contact with me/him/OW

What does this lose me?


Advice advice advice!