I'll be honest I haven't really taken the time to read to many posts as reading about so many situations like my own have a depressing effect on me now.
I will be divorced 5 years on Christmas eve and I am still DB'ing. I'm still living in "our" home with her blessing as it should have been sold when our youngest son turned 18 as he didn't continue his education.
I currently have 3 of my children and 2 grandchildren living with me for varied and assorted reasons. These are not going to be permanent situations by any means. But that's another story.
XW not only was and still is in a MLC of sorts but has been complicated by many addictions. To alcohol, and her second very abusive and alcoholic husband as well. Addictions being a very serious problem all by themselves when coupled together with an MLC add years to the recovery process as there are so many underlying issues for the mlc'r to address. Often times the weight of all these difficulties seems so insurmountable by the mlc'r that they simply give up and never see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
I got a life and only got involved with the X when she sought me out, which has become more and more frequent. It seems she has admitted her addictions to herself and is seeking help with a Christian 12 step recovery program and is doing some very difficult self help and realization at the moment. All the while being terribly confused as to why I have offered her unconditional love through the whole ordeal. She left her second husband back in June and has been living by herself since then.
So, what's the point of this post ? An update of sorts to anyone who cares, and to point out a very important point about addictions that need to be addressed more than the MLC symptoms first..... My IC made a comment years ago about this very subject and I was to stubborn to admit to myself that he was right. He more or less said he couldn't help anyone with relationship issues when there was an addiction of any kind involved. OK he was right ! I admit it and can now clearly see and hear the difference now that she is addressing her addiction problems.
Will she come back ? It sounds like she might eventually but I am not structuring my life on that possibility. I have my own life now and will have to revisit the whole possibility of her returning and what that means to us both.
In the mean time I'm off to the Key of Marathon in Florida in February / March and then over to Mississippi to visit my oldest daughter and her family. Life goes on with or without her.
So good luck to all of you who are here and I hope this small post gives you a little more information that will help maybe explain some of the mysteries of the human mind ;-) David A
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
