Don't confuse support from your family with validation. I feel you are seeking validation from *somebody* to go ahead and file. And really the *only* validation you need to make such a choice must come from within.
You have proclaimed yourself a "stander". You have been staunch and vehement in that stance. I am not saying it's a good or bad thing, it's simply what you have shared with us up to this point. Sometimes though, the problem with being so staunch and vehement in your stance (and this applies to all areas of life) is it prevents any growth or evolution to the situation. Perhaps by standing and being so vocal and firm about it you actually prevented *something* else from happening.
You are frustrated and tired. I get it. I think we all do. Perhaps now though you can see why many of us tried to gently lead you to open your mind and thought process to be more flexible about what *must* happen in your marriage.
If you are ready to file for a D and that decision is made minus emotion from a certain exchange or event then by all means, go ahead and do it. It just might be the BEST thing you have ever done for yourself.
Yes, your W treats you like crap but with all due respect she does that because you allow her to. A D won't change that, it simply means you won't be married to her anymore.
For a long time, well over a year I was as staunch as they come in my thought process of the WAS filing for the D. They want it, they do the dirty work, they pay for it and suffer any counter suit that is returned their way. My thought was I would comply as the law told me I had to but that was it. Looking back I am not sure I would have done anything different but now I see how perhaps opening my mind to a new way of thinking may have saved me from a 21 month legal battle.
In a way I think you felt that if you were a "stander" long enough eventually your W would come around. And it just doesn't work that way. As you continued to stand you also kept doing things the same way except this time you gave it the title of "stander" so it sounded good but in reality not much had changed. And your W could see that.
I don't think you are detached at all from your W. And a legal document will not help you detach nor will it change the dynamic between the two of you. You can change you and it *might* change the dynamic (or might not). I just don't want you to have any hope that a divorce will "wake her up". There are ways to gain back your personal power and in your case I am not sure a D is one of them.
That being said if you are done then you are done. And there isn't a thing wrong with that. Nobody should have to live in a situation for years and years as many of us do. But really we have nobody to blame but ourselves as we have the power to get out of this situation and the only way out isn't a D.
The point of all of this? Use this as a lesson that sometimes in life we have to be more flexible in our beliefs. That is not to say we have to change them but often times we do have to expand them a bit. And once we do expand them often times things do change.
I know you are struggling to gain some control over this situation but as you know you can only control you. A D will not give you control. It will simply dissolve your legal marriage and if you are ready to do that, then do it. As I said, we all have our limits.
