Thanks for your words, Pooch! Dropping the baggage and leaving it behind is the ultimate goal.
I spent yesterday with my 92 year old mother-in-law who lives ninety minutes away. She introduces me as her daughter-in-law and considers me a member of the family whether or not her son and I married. We had a very nice visit. I brought my dog along which always makes her happy. She lives independently within a complex that offers options if need be.
I've gotten over feeling like I'm stepping on toes and talk about what's going on in my life. I also figured that when appropriate I'd share things with her first so she'd be the 'one in the know' when she talked to her daughters. I think life has to get boring if you're always the last to know and/or are not expected to remember things.
We talked about some things and I told her I was going out socially with a friend who's a guy next week. "That's very good, you don't want to isolate, Kathleen." We went on to other subjects. Later in the afternoon my social engagement came up. I told her I don't call this gentleman by his name around the family, even though my mother and brother have met him briefly. I answered her puzzled look, "Because his name is Bill. (my former spouse's/her son's name)" I smiled at the irony. She didn't move. I asked if she was okay. Her face and body were still stuck in the same position. Holy crap. I asked her if she was okay in a slightly louder voice. She composed herself and laughed lightly saying she couldn't believe it was the same name. "Maybe you can call him Liam." I told her that's not fair to him, so I use his nickname along with his first if my daughter's around.
