Needing Direction

[awest1217]

First, since you have apologized, stop apologizing. If you did nothing wrong, and you didn't to ask to see your D say you understand her feelings, but you want to see her anyway. Don't apologize for something you did not do. Validate her feelings to help diffuse the situation and like you said go to a mediator if needs be.

You need to stop trying to get her back because it is just pushing her away. When opportunities present themselves, then pursue cautiously but you have to be patient and wait for the opening.

[2B_2_AS_1]

X offered for me to pick up D early this afternoon, but did not allow me to see her any during the week even after asking several times. I called X last night and this afternoon to let her know I could not pick D up early today. X was like “well I won’t be there when you come to get her”. I have already made plans to go to dinner. I asked her if she wanted to try and get together this weekend and hang out with D and me. She said she had some plans already and asked what our plan was; I told her we were just going out to enjoy some of the outdoors. She was like “that is your plan?” (like it was not good enough). I told her we had other plans with other people on Friday evening and Saturday afternoon, but that is some time we could go out and enjoy some of the weather. She started asking if I was going to have her around anyone who is smoking.

By her saying she has made plans for dinner and throughout the weekend. IMO She def has OM. I flat out asked her and she said it was none of my business. I mentioned she previously told me she did not. She was asking me if I had my D around other women. She said she would let me know if she it got serious. Wow. So it sounds to me like she is going out with other people and hopes that one day it will get serious, but she does not even provide “us” with an opportunity to resolve anything.

She said I did not ever tell her anything and was very vague about what she asks me. So I told I don’t have a GF and I don’t have my daughter around a bunch of different women. She was like good.

X is thinking of herself. Not really anyone else, but what’s new. She asked me some time ago if I wanted to get my D the week after Thanksgiving be she was trying to go out of town. I think it is best for me not to do that week to accommodate her schedule with a potential OM.

X was telling me I am vague about everything she asks, so she thinks she ought to be as well. So I said I would be direct and said we should both agree to be direct then. So she begins to tell me about a cough syrup in the news over a year ago and how I should not be giving that to my D. wow. That is a stretch on what she can inform me on.

She says she would answer any questions if I just asked. I tried to explain to her that I told her I have lots of questions, but when I do ask questions she gets angry. So she got defensive about me telling her that too. Oh.

It def does hurt to think she is with OM and I try to be nice. I just need to go out with other people and try to make my life good with my D. Don’t think X has any interest in coming around and this stuff is too hurtful for me to be in. X is still all about hurting me, even after two years separated. I think she is so lost. If she is unable to hear anything I have to say then how could we ever move beyond this point?

I am heartbroken!!!

[2B_2_AS_1]

My fellow DBers,

I really need some encouragement and positive feedback. This stuff kicks me down and out.

Tks,

[Gardener]

2B,

X is thinking of herself. Not really anyone else, but what’s new. She asked me some time ago if I wanted to get my D the week after Thanksgiving be she was trying to go out of town. I think it is best for me not to do that week to accommodate her schedule with a potential OM.

I agree with you here, but I have no advice for you as this is a clusterf#ck beyond my expertise. I'm following along and, like you, anxiously await our resident experts to chime in.

Coach! Puppy! Gucci! Trent! Robx!, at al! STAT!

[2B_2_AS_1]

Thanks Gardener! I want to accomodate and make life easier for X, but not necessarily to get out with OM. She has her mom at home so it is pretty easy for her to do what she wants.

Does the X do these things on purpuse, intentionally? Get closer and then run back to doing the exact same thing and same mindset? GIMA did mention they do pull back again so be prepared. Is it strategy on their part to make LBS feel bad, hurt?

Not understanding..

[Gardener]

TDoes the X do these things on purpuse, intentionally? Get closer and then run back to doing the exact same thing and same mindset? GIMA did mention they do pull back again so be prepared. Is it strategy on their part to make LBS feel bad, hurt?Not understanding..

As the old song goes, "I don't know why, they just doooo."

[awest1217]

First of all, if you are LRTing why did you ask her to do something this weekend with you and D. You set yourself up for regret. You need to be kind to her and answer questions, but NOT push her and pursue her. The more you pursue the more she will recoil because honestly, she is probably trying to get revenge for whatever hurt she feels and it is working. You need to move on and get a life. Have fun and quit obsessing over if X has OM. I know it is hard to do. I still have a hard time, but I have accepted that H is with or talking to OW so I just keep working and fighting that he will one day want to be with me.

Stick in there and GAL! Have fun with your daughter and don't worry about what your X is or is not doing. Go and have some fun!

[gucci loafer]

Well, I will chime in...

I don't think you are really listening. Your ex DOESN'T want you. How much more clear can she make it? Any man who pursues a woman that clearly doesn't want him IS selfish. Chasing a woman and pursuing a woman when she doesn't want you is nothing more than a waste of YOUR time. Complete waste.

You want what you can't have. You want the unattainable. Do you realize that men who are successful with women actually allow the woman to do some pursuing? Women will tell you again and again that they like to be pursued, but have you ever noticed that those are usually the ones that are actually pursuing a man that isn't pursuing them?


Case in point...

I understand the feeling because as a woman, I want to be the one pursued and not the other way around. All women want to feel like a princess being swept off their feet by a prince. What I would do is give it some time and call just to check in. My H was sick all last weekend, and I have decided to LRT, but if you read my latest post, I need to show him I care because that is why he has the OW becuase he thinks I don't care. So I just text him to see if he was ok. I did this more when he was really sick, and less once I knew he had seen a doctor and was going to be ok. Then I backed off and just asked him when he called me.

Now. Didn't she tell you in the first part of her comments how much women love to be pursued. And yet... She IS pursuing the man.(who doesn't seem to want her and surely is NOT pursuing her) Doesn't that tell you anything? She wants to be pursued but the reality is that it is actually quite the opposite. Women almost always run the other way when a man pursues as you are. They also want the unattainable, the hard to get, the one that is just out of reach...


Follow reality. Stop ALL pursuit of this woman. Turn and head the other direction. If she wakes up, fine. IF not fine. Find a woman that WANTS to be with you and quit trying to win a woman that is treating you like this one is. She can't respect a man who can't take a hint. She senses your desperation. Desperate men are a huge turnoff. To stop her from feeling that way just kick her to the curb and get on with your life..


THAT is your answer. You are wasting your time with any other method. As your two years indicates.

[2B_2_AS_1]

Tks Awest & Gucci! I def had a tough week with the whole DB process. I did get wrapped up into thinking X was pursuing by spending time with us on the holiday, going to lunch with D & I and that she was being a little nicer. I guess I read too much into it.

I can see she is not pursuing now for sure. I do think she is with OM and I don't care to accomodate that. I am going to focus greater efforts on trying to date others and drop all efforts with X. I guess I just really wanted it to work (like everbody else on here) and was trying to pick up the pieces/put the puzzle back together.

Emotions are tough to put in check. Of course, I still care about my X and is why I would get frazzled thinking about her being with OM. Also, how all this negative impacts everyone involved.

Am I still in this after two years bc this is how I have handled it? Is it also how the X has contained her emotions and feelings & has not dealt with any of it?

I am def trying to figure it all out and am on these forums bc I want it to work out with X and for our D. Is there any hope? I feel like if I am going in any other direction it is at the expense of D.

Gucci,
If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been in the DB process and what results have you had?

[Steve McQueen]

You are hesitating really bad. 2 years of hesitation.

Go out and find someone new. Someone you can infatuated with. It will take your mind off your EX-wife.