You have to work through the pain in an honest way. There is no quick answer. Trying to numb the pain will not work. Acknowledge your sitch for what it is and know that time is a healer.
Pursuing a WAS with invitations and expectations will not work, It is only natural to want to invite your spouse out but when someone wants out of a R the last thing they want is invitations from the LBS. Let the cage door open. They want out. Let them out while you detach and GAL. You must acknowledge that you do not control your S or your sitch. You CONTROL yourself and by so doing you can INFLUENCE your S.
They wlll blow hot and cold. They will contact and pull back. They are human and at the end of the day they still have feelings and may be connected to LBS on some emotional level even if they do not SHOW it. The trick is to manage your expectations. Acknowledge the phone calls and interactions as nice moments but do not pin your entire existence on them. You must FOCUS in yourself and your growth.
Note well that the above are just my thoughts and I am not a relationship expert. We can speak in generalisations on this board but each individual knows his sitch better than anyone else ever can. DBing is not about absolute rules but about WHAT WORKS. Find WHAT WORKS for you.Get yourself healthy emotionally and physically and take the rest from there.
