Your W wants out, she no longer loves you, she has someone else, she hates you, you've caused her pain etc etc ... yups whatever the motivations behind the sitch are, you feel regret, fear, instability, and most importantly loss of control and direction.
12 pages in and (for once) I don't think anyone has seriously mentioned detachment? So detach mate, and work on yourself. Do it so that you become a better person even if she's not around to see it. Accept that her choices and decisions are hers. Her feelings are hers.
A lot of us have been here. There's hope and you can almost always come out of this with a positive outcome, even if the outcome isn't what you would wish for if you had a magic lamp and 3 wishes now.
Your W is in WAS mode. Everything you described comes with the territory. She didn't get there in a heartbeat and she won't be leaving there any time soon. So knuckle down and do some hard work.
Not that you'll be alone and helpless. There'll be people here and elsewhere rooting for you and giving you support. That's already something to be very grateful for.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
