Just fyi, in my case I told my H I was going to file and I gave him the papers myself. This was after a 'discussion' where he started talking about not improving his house so the value wouldn't go up before the divorce, not contributing to the 401k so he didn't have to share more $ with me, etc...
Even then, I filed to protect myself, but I still gave him a heads-up and served him myself. But tons of people have their spouses served, too. If it comes to that, do what you believe is the right thing to do.
