Looks like I might soon be LBS...newcomer here

[Gardener]

bim,

It is different hearing my own words from someone else's pov. Thank you for mirroring it back for me. Looks even more grave from over here.

You're welcome. I care. WE care. And you're right: It is grave; good word.

While clearing some things up, I do believe you're basing some arguments on some threadbare technicalities, though.

From your explanation, he sure did a lot of true good for you in the beginning. I'm glad. But the present, bim. The probable future, bim, Past good doesn't give him a free pass for present or future inexcusable actions and attitudes to the one he supposedly loves more than anyone in this world.

The words of your family physician made me worry more about you, your essence, as she put it almost more than anything else. She was giving you a warning, bim. A prediction. A diagnosis.

The THING that I KNOW after all this time, after all these years, is that I will be okay and my boys will be okay. There isn't anything I won't do to make sure they are better than just ok.

I am not THERE yet. I am not ready to walk away just yet. I know there is something that is left undone. Once I know that, I will move on. I am already moving forward, but I will move on when I know it is time. I just know that day is not today.

Okay. I understand.

And yes, most of us are here because one way or another we took or gave some sh!t from/to our spouses. And, like you, for longer than we should have. But your words just describe unrelenting abuse.

Maybe an ultimatum or being a WAW when you're ready will be his wake-up call..
Stay open minded, stay focused on the mental, emotional health of you and your boys. Stay here.

But regardless of the solution (and patience and hoping ain't gonna cut it), you're sooner rather than later going to have to choose an appropriate proactive solution and act on it before too much longer.

(((lovinghugs))) AND still [[[[2x4s]]]