I will be asking for clarification on Tuesday when I see him. Hoenstly, he explained it to me that night after my W left, but everything he said is lost because of how angry I was.
Actually, I found a way to GAl while at home. I just called a friend and invited him over after the kids are in bed. A few beers and, yes, maybe TV, but at least I am not alone, wallowing and feeling bad about myself.
I think Spybunny may be right. I need to detatch more. Falling out of love seems to be something you would do with a new car, not your wife. I think he meant that I need to really disappear, appear to have fallen out of love, or at least be okay moving on.
I certainly don't want to date someone; I don't think my wife meant that when she said it. She hesitated. But I will go out, with the guys (many are divorced) and hang out. I will enjoy myself and my time alone.
I know these lows are normal, that doesn't make it any easier. I wish there was a magic pill to make it all go away, but I don't want to have the good times feel more mellow either.
The fact that my wife is not filing, to me, is hope. There is no reason not to. I even offered the $.
The bottom line is that I honestly feel like she has some serious depression issues, and the MC did too. I'm pretty sure that she will go to a C on her own and at least talk about medication. I don't want a pharma-happy wife, I want her to be truely happy; but I think that some medical intervention may be needed to help her see the light at the end of the tunnel, and even if it doesn't, at least I will know this is all happening when she is at least not in such an angry mindset.
Sometimes those 2x4s are needed; actually, they usually are needed...thank you.
I never mentioned this, but in addition to GALing, seeing my IC and exercising, I quit smoking last week. It has been two weeks since I guit and I feel great. Lots of changes for me; but my W has no way to see them when we are seperated. I haven't figured that out yet...how does she know about all of this if we don't talk and/or see eachother.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent some more. At least I know I am not the only one on here throughout the day! Thanks to each of you, esspecially you Spybunny and Gardener (and you too Sandi2, wherever you have been!).
