how to 180 when you've been too independent?

[pearlharbr]

When I first started DBing, I was trying to win BF back by being the better woman. I refused to kick him out of our house (separate bedrooms), I was doing 180s, GAL activities, trying to be friendly but not a friend, suggested doing things together. This allowed BF to cake eat--he had OW at work and afterwards and I was trying to provide a nice environment at home too. I did these things to keep him in the house so he would see the changes I was making in myself and because I didn't want him moving in with OW.

This is what you are doing by asking him for help with house maintenance and paying bills, sending him a DVD, trying to show him that you've changed.

When I changed my mind, I threw him out of the house and went dark except for emails regarding finances. I continued with the 180s and GAL activities [i]because they were good for me.[i] I started planning my own single life which included a move to a different state. When he asked about coming over to see the cats I let him come to the house to see the cats while I was out having fun. I made it perfectly clear that I would have nothing to do with him while he was still involved with OW. He tried to start things back up with me and I told him I knew for a fact he was still with her and I was not going to play second fiddle.

This is the tough love/becoming the WAS. Reread gucci's posts on OrlandoGator's thread to see what this path looks like.

I don't know what else to say. If you can't see the difference then I can't help you.