You fought your heart out O'dog...you can look your kids in the eyes and honestly tell them that you tried with everything you had to keep your family together.
OD, I'm not overy familiar with your sitch, or how old your kids are, but I assure you, your kids know or will know on there own this to be true.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I had coffee this morning with ReligiousFriend (those of you who followed previous sitch will remember him). He was strongly urging me to get out on my own and freelance, start my own biz. "You will make so much more. It's so much more rewarding." He is just getting through the first year of his new shop. It's been weighing heavily on my for a while because there is no partnership/ownership track here. I'm about three years overdue to move on but I put it off because it was in the long-range plan with the she (before all that happened).
He's always so complementary. "Dude, you're the smartest guy I know. You've got a mad skill set." Overexageration on his part - I feel very dumb when it comes to money despite the fact that I have a degree in biz. And I'm quite introverted so going to biz meetings, lunches, and all that bus development stuff is stressful. I can do it. The brass encourages it but it's not my natural leaning.
Anyway, I'm thinkin' I just need to set a date in the near future and do it. I have no idea how right now. I have 4 years left on a 13 and no capital. However if I stay here I will continue to burn out, become less creative, and expect more visits from the Black Dog.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Odog, I think that while you could look at the time left on ch13 as holding you back, you could also look at it as time for you to prepare for this, save some $ in your matress, and to maybe seek out a partner. Certainly time for the economy to improve.
I think that when we glimpse a little sparkle of shiny opportunity to do what we would really love to be doing, it brings our unhappiness in our current sitch into sharper, sometimes unfounded focus. Im not sure if this is the case for you, but I find its definately true for me!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I can use this time to gather information and make plans.
--
Yes, I want to make sure this isn't a "grass is greener" thing.
I need to make sure I look at things realistically and remember that no matter who is in charge, yes even me, it is still a "job" with hours, routine, bills, stress, etc..
Lastly, I want don't want to get stuck in the "here" and "there" thing. That is, thinking that as soon as I get "there" (or "then"), everything will be set and I will be satisfied and happy. I need to ensure that I am doing all I can to ensure that "here" (now) is a good place.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
All morning I was thinking, the she better not call and bother me about something otherwise she'll get an earful. (I've been firm, ended some convos early, but have never lost it).
She called. Cordially she mentioned something about ch13 paperwork she was sending in. Just wanted me to know she was taking care of it. "Yeah...that's good to know...uh huh...ok...bye" So it was fine. I held it together.
--
Whether it's a good exchange or a bad exchange it's just not good for me. There are times during these exchanges where it feels just like it was when we were M. And that's the part that makes me sad.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
-- There are times during these exchanges where it feels just like it was when we were M. And that's the part that makes me sad.
It's not the same though...you are different, in a better way...and she is different, in a worse way. Easy to be sad, understandably...you were selfless, and wanted to preserve your family and your marriage...and she was selfish, and wanted to tear apart the family and the marriage.
You are a good man...lots of us here are...and we have beaten ourselves up way above and beyond what we should have.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I just wanted to share something with you that I read today, and it applies to so many here on this board...
"The goal of healing is to have whatever harm you've suffered become the 'least' important thing about you. Other proples behavior is not about you at all. Only your core value is about you."
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Whether it's a good exchange or a bad exchange it's just not good for me. There are times during these exchanges where it feels just like it was when we were M. And that's the part that makes me sad.
Orangedog, I have been there....the sadness will diminish and eventually will disappear...you will see. I never thought I could be in the same room as my XW and not have feelings ... thoughts....feel like holding her even. But I am today...it takes time and honestly I have no clue how I did it. But you will get there.....keep your head up!
