In order for a healthy friendship to develop again between you and your W you BOTH need to set healthy boundaries and enforce them. Only then will things improve for YOU and maybe her. Maybe not.
Leaving the issue of 1000.00 spent in one week up in the air is a bad idea. It will continue to fester inside of you as you are upset about it and your W knows it. In turn, she will pull away from you even further knowing you are upset and eventually that could lead to further financial damage.
That is the exact reason I suggest you approach this 1000.00 issue as a SOLUTION and not a problem. Yes, you need to get to the bottom of it but the way you went about doing it was not productive. I gave you a "script" to use or at least guide you in a previous post about how to approach the money issue. Why did you not even consider it before you went for the gut?
Your W didn't react how you wanted her to so you deemed things hopeless and tried to scare her into acting how you want her to by asking for the mediator's number. I think we both know it was an empty threat and did nothing but drive a wedge further between the two of you.
Set boundaries first then perhaps something more can develop. The job issue is hers to own and work out. Listen more than you talk, validate and don't "fix".
I would let her know though that due to the status of your marriage you feel it's most prudent to put together a financial plan that works for the both of you. If she resists then let her know that you will involve a 3rd party to guide you but if you say that, be prepared to DO IT.
