You know, it is really strange because for a long time he really wasn't on my mind. But for the past couple of weeks, I have been thinking about him a lot. I suspect I am finally coming to terms with all of this, and reaching the point when I am really healed.
I guess part of me will always love him. And in some small way, part of me wishes he would return to the way he was, and we could work through this.
But at the same time, I am also ready to move on. He has made it very obvious to me that he does not love me, and I have accepted that. I am not sure stbx is capable of loving anyone, least of all himself. He has made a complete mess of his life, and after all the work I have done to pick up the pieces of my own, I just don't know that I have the strength to worry about it anymore, if that were even an option.
I did get some good news yesterday...I have been working a temp job since August, but interviewing for a permanent position. Well, yesterday I received an excellent offer from a great law firm in Rochester, and I accepted. So as of Monday, I will leave this job, which I do love, but no benefits and the pay sucks, to take on a great job that offers 10 grand more a year in salary and full benefits.
Full circle. I think my life is coming full circle.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I have also been thinking about XH, I think I am also processing some of the emotions that were buried. I definitely feel like I am healing. But a few e-mails from XH have also throw my moods off - hate that he still affects me like that, but I hadn't heard from him in 3 1/2 months and then out of the blue get a spurt of contact.
I am so glad that your life has come full circle, that your financial situation has stabilized, and that our lives are going on quite well!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I think thats exactly it Michelle. I have not really spoken to stbx in the last six months, maybe twice. Once I yelled at him, it was right after K died. Once the conversation was good. And yet part of me still feels like I have this great need to help. The difference is I am not offering to solve his problems. This is his ship, and he will have to sink with it. I am all out of life rafts.
Still, part of me feels bad for him. NOT that I would let HIM know that...I mean, this is what he wanted. But I never wanted him to be hurt.
At the same time, though, I also snicker just a bit because, well lets face it. This IS what he wanted. He got it...triple fold.
Now, one way or another, I do hope he learns something from this.
But somehow, I doubt it. He will just continue to blame everyone else.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I feel the same way about XH. He has occasional moments of personal responsibility, but in large part, it's still all everyone else's fault. *rolls eyes* Lol
Karma.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I wonder the same thing! Although, in all honesty, I was the WAS from my previous marriage. But I did it differently as well, tried the counseling and hanging in there, talking, changing, and it just didn't work. XH and I do okay now, but I think we both look at each other in amazement that we managed to stay married for ten years. So sometimes I wonder if that is my Karma.
I am, however, not so sure I have ever done anything bad enough to deserve this, so it must not be about me.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
You are probably right. I am really doing great now, in the final stages of healing. I am proud of the way I have handled things, and the fact that although ultimately it didn't work out, I was not so quick to give up.
On the other hand, our WAS will have to eventually face the music, and it will not be pretty....
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
