For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

Ugh...I'm about sick just typing this. No, I do not have evidene of any contact other than the electronic kind. But of course, I'm wondering about all of his hotel stays the last year.

If I wanted to bring up the calls, texts, emails - how would I go about doing it?

I'm a little confused - are going pitch dark and dropping the rope the same thing?

A suggestion was made for me to "create" a bf - basically just significantly ramping up my 180s/GALing. Texting while he's here, being on my phone, emailing, looking great, buying flowers for myself. I want to show him that I'm done, I'm in F you mode and I'm moving on - cause that's so close to how I feel anyway.

It's so hard to bring out fun Courtney, bc I'm so extremely angry.

Gardener, I like the idea of just telling him how much $ I need and when I need it. I have not spoken to an attorney to get him pay up, because he's paying! He pays all of our bills - all of them, even my cell phone. I just don't have extra money because I only work about 15 hrs a week and I pay for health insurance for DD and I.

How can I find out if she's married?

You can believe for sure that do I want to give him a boundary and address this. I just don't know the best way to go about it.

He's a liar. He won't talk about anything. I get nowhere with him. As for OW, she makes my skin crawl - someone who cheats and contributes to the breakdown of a family is EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The real task for me is trying to keep my head up and not allowing this to eat me alive. Staying positive for myself and my DD.

The thought of another lonely, deceitful holidy is about more than I take right now.

[Gardener]

Courts,

You can believe for sure that do I want to give him a boundary and address this. I just don't know the best way to go about it.

"Paging Mr. Coach, Mr. Puppy, Mr.Trent, Ms. Greek, et al. STAT!"

[courts0818]

I just saw a few posts from some of them. And puppy was very gracious to give me advice about a year ago - he told me all about OW and I was too naive to believe my H could do such a thing.

But, I'm paging them too - STAT! I saw that puppy posted this: "I know all about you and _______ , and it needs to stop immediately. This is incredibly disrespectful to me and to our marriage."

Is this the approach to take, then "create" my bf and go dark except for matters relating to DD?

This is the style, I'm ready to take. I think...It's been long enough.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I agree with setting the boundaries when you are ready. But you have to be ready, and you have to mean it.

I don't agree with "creating" a bf. If you GAL, and live your life, you'll be creating plenty of mystery without having to be deceitful.

[courts0818]

I'm ready to set boundaries...so ready.

[Virtually_Handsome]

And you are ready to enforce them? If you say you can't live in a M with an OW, and he says, too bad, are you ready to follow up?

(((((((courtney)))))))

[courts0818]

VH, by "creating" the illusion of a bf, it would be more about me becoming more mysterious and moving on - which is really just the result of GAL (like you said).

[courts0818]

Yes, I think I'm finally ready to set the boundaries, enforce them and move on if needed. Hell to the no with staying in this marriage if he's not willing to totally drop the realtionship with her.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I like mystery and GAL. Texting to thin air, not so much!

(((((Courtney)))))

I don't like the phrase "move on". I prefer "move forward". Move towards a better life, not away from what you have. Make it a positive action!

[courts0818]

Yeah, I get it - the texting to thin air part, but it could make him wonder.

I, too, prefer the phrase move forward to move on. In general, I'm a very positive, upbeat, bubbly kind of person. With all the hard feelings I post about it, it's probably not evident, but I am.

I have to do my best to stay positive, focused, happy and have my game face on! As always, easier said than done.