Puppy, hope you don't lose patience with me. I am making progress even if it is a little at a time. This is hard for me. I was very very dependent on him. I am trying my absolute best. I promise you that. I'm thankful for my support system you all mean alot to me. I take your advice over some of my good friends. Puppy, you are a very intelligent, PATIENT human being. You may say you don't have patience, but you do, thankfully it works in my favor. Thanks again.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Brit - also keep in mind many of the people who are offering you what seems like "hardcore" advice have been in their situations for months and/or years. My situation started on March 2, 2008 and it will be today, Nov. 13, 2009 that I will sign the legal separation papers that are to be filed on Monday.
I have learned so much over the past 21 months about me and about R's in general. I also went through hell and worried myself sick and ended up hospitalized. That was my wake up call. I don't want that to be your wake up call.
You matter but you are very green to this process. Six weeks is like a minute for a WAS/LBS but it feels like an eternity because you are still in shock and trying to process this. And that is okay. But you need to try and accept that many of us can see things in your situation in a very different way than you see them because we have no emotional attachment to your H.
Being short is not being detached. It's just being short. Quick calls or texts are fine but be bright and bubbly and be in control.
Sadgirl, you just have such spunk, and attitude and independency in you its ridiculous. You give me such a spurt of energy everytime you comment. You've got it going on thats for sure!
You have it too, Britt. I saw you post something on another thread and I was very proud of you. You know what to do, you just can't seem to let yourself do it yet.
You're expecting things to happen on your timeline, and as you should know by now, it doesn't work like that. You can't control how quicky he works through his issues. He may never work through them. You have to get to the point where you say to yourself...my husband left. He didn't leave me, he left a situation. I am a good person, and I will be an even better person after this journey. Once you realize that it is HE that must earn YOU back, you'll truly start applying the DB principles. Right now, you're chasing your tail trying to get HIM back.
You are worth more than pining over a man who ran out on you and 2 babies!!
Puppy, hope you don't lose patience with me. I am making progress even if it is a little at a time. This is hard for me. I was very very dependent on him. I am trying my absolute best. I promise you that. I'm thankful for my support system you all mean alot to me. I take your advice over some of my good friends. Puppy, you are a very intelligent, PATIENT human being. You may say you don't have patience, but you do, thankfully it works in my favor. Thanks again.
Britt, it's not a question of "losing patience." It's simply a matter of TIME, as the Newcomers forum is FILLED with hurting people who need help and advice, and there's simply not enough time to get to all of them, and do a halfway decent job. I also try to help on the Infidelity forum. As it is, I probably spread myself too thin, and don't spend enough time reading everyone's backstory. I try to choose 10-15 people or so to follow, and try to help, and when someone doesn't begin to apply the advice, not just from myself but from ALL of the others on their thread, then I simply have to move on and try to help someone else.
Not sure if you're familiar with the medical term "triage," but that's really what it is.
I will continue to check in on you as I can, and pray for you and EVERYONE on here every day.
Sadgirl, you hit the nail on the head. I know what needs to be done I just have to make myself do it. I was out driving to this morning, the sun is shining and I thought to myself, life is too short to be yanked around by a man that wants me one minute and doesn't the next. As hard as it is to accept, I want him to want me all the time. Until that happens or IF that happens, then I am going to be strong. I have a lot of support here. My two sisters live here and I have 2-3 really good friends helping me through this. I will be okay. I know that.
When H called this morning he just has a way of yanking me in. I quickly sent him a text which didn't need to be more than that, and he complains why I wasn't very nice and why I didn't ask him how his morning is going? I just don't know what to say when questions like that are asked of me? Why couldn't he just send a text back stating where the diaper bag is? Don't worry I'm not dwelling on it. I would have even a few days ago. But I don't have time to. I still have a wall in my livingroom to finish painting...hehe...its just the response that I'm having trouble with now. I feel I got over a hurdle today, but I snuck over it, I want to jump over it with pride. Help if anyone knows what to do in these sitch's. Hope everyone is having a good day.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
So the guy really has issues. I was done with the contact! But he just keeps calling, and calling, and calling. I'm lost. I had an okay day. And I am just keeping on.... His venting phone call should have gone like this: H, sounds like you had a hard day with lots to process, I can relate. I really need to run and take care of the kids now, take care!
OR That must be hard to deal deal with. I have to go! (Which is more vague and may work better) OR let it go to voice mail (You can then listen WHEN YOU WANT and respond IF AND WHEN YOU WANT).
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
And Puppy, I completely understand what you're saying. And I am grateful that I am in that 10-15 thread bracket. You are a wise person and like I said prior, I take your advice very seriously. I am in this to make it. I will make it. Its the words of all of you here helping me that get me through the day. I went back and printed off everybody's advice and made a little book. There are some very encouraging, strong words in there, that I like to read. I keep it in my purse. Well I will, I just did this last night before bed. I looked at it this morning and it brightened up my day. I am going to do this, I am going to make it, I am a good person who has a lot to offer. I'm only 27 years old. I have my whole life ahead of me. And its going to be a good one.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
R2C, to be honest, you can tell me what I need to do, and I know that. But sometimes I really can't put into words what to say! Its kinda sad...I appreciate you giving me examples, it really helps. When my mind is a blurr and given that I am not doing very well right now at DB'ing, sometimes it just helps to have word for word help. So thank you. If you read the incident this morning, I think I did that!
I have only read DB, not DR. A lot of people recommend DR, so I'm off on a road trip this afternoon to get the book. I need to read it.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
As hard as it is to accept, I want him to want me all the time.
But he doesn't want to be with you all the time. Did you stomp your feet when you typed that? You have got to work on your self esteem, girl. Put yourself first.
And Puppy, I completely understand what you're saying. And I am grateful that I am in that 10-15 thread bracket. You are a wise person and like I said prior, I take your advice very seriously. I am in this to make it. I will make it. Its the words of all of you here helping me that get me through the day. I went back and printed off everybody's advice and made a little book. There are some very encouraging, strong words in there, that I like to read. I keep it in my purse. Well I will, I just did this last night before bed. I looked at it this morning and it brightened up my day. I am going to do this, I am going to make it, I am a good person who has a lot to offer. I'm only 27 years old. I have my whole life ahead of me. And its going to be a good one.
Putting the focus back on yourself. Notice a change? You only control your thoughts, feelings and actions.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
