Okay, I was pretty low after Wed. night's MC session. The session where I learned I needed to "fall out of love" with my wife, that she was done and that she wanted to move on.
That same meeting, she said she didn't know when she would file. She didn't have the money (I offered to pay), she didn't have the time to drive 30 minutes to the courthouse (I told her she could file at city hall in town), she didn't know how to handle an attorney (I told her I signed the contact with the attorney and left the contract at home, she had signed it too, put it in the envelope and had not mailed it).
Today, about 48 hours later, I am feeling better.
I have a counseling appt for Tuesday at noon to go over all of this with my IC (who is also teh MC).
I talked about "going dark". Tought to do when you have kids, but I need to move on. My wife doesn't want me, and was clear about that. If we are divorced, I won't be there for her like I have been, even if it has only been under the guise of being there "for the kids".
In that session, the MC told me that I need to let go, fall out of love. Distance myself. She heard all of this.
Yesterday she emailed me about several things. I replied to one email and said that I needed time to level myself before discussing those things.
Today she called to check on our son, who had a positive H1N1 test. he's fine and I will send her an email letting her know that. however, I will wait until later today in case she emails me some more.
It is difficult to "go dark" when she keeps emailing me.
My FIL has been emailing me a lot. At first he apologized for giving me hope; but I replied back that maybe this is the best approach. I'm not going to ignore her. I'm not going to be a jerk, but I'm not going to drop everything to help her either.
I learned that she talked to her mom the other night and her mom actually told her to talk to someone (meaning an IC). That surprised me.
The holidays are all but here and I am resigned to the fact that they will be as a seperated couple. She offered to take the kids for Thanksgiving and let me have them for Christmas. I was surprised by that. I told her that sounded fine.
She's not filing and has offered to increase her contribution to cover our mortgage. This makes the budget balance out, but also gives her another reason not to file (less money). I suppose that is good.
We go to MC again a week before Christmas. Maybe there will be a Christmas miracle, but I doubt it. I'm going to stay in the house and keep the same routine we've had until after the holidays. We'll see what happens then. Maybe we go forward full-steam to divorce, maybe my wife gets some counseling and helps her deal with her anger and changes her mind..but even if she doesn't, I know she is making decisions with a clear head and not in anger.
I'm still going to the Dr. to talk about medication, probably anti-anxiety medicine (thanks, Gardener).
Anyone out there see any problems with my approach? I can't go completly black, but I can go really realy dark gray :-)
