First of all, let me say that I was/am not holding myself up as a great DBer. I just feel like I understand where you're coming from more than some others here.
Answering your question:
Puppy and gucci are advocating the position I took eventually (because I listened to them) of tough love, i.e. moving forward by yourself unless he comes around and asks for another chance. It entails not rewarding the WAS' crappy behavior because you have decided what is best for you and act accordingly. If you're interested, read Dobson's Love Must Be Tough and posts by gucci, robx, Coach.
Sad, desperate, heartbroken...I understand all these. Just because you never married doesn't mean you didn't assume both of you were in it for the long haul.
Why are you feeling desperate? For me, I was afraid of what life would look like without BF. And I realized I was making a lot of decisions based on fear. Once I let go of the fear I knew I would make it through this no matter what and that led me to truly letting go of BF and working on myself.
And only then did BF pull his head out and realize what he was throwing away. Because he felt and knew that I was done with his sorry ass and moving on to bigger and better things. And then he had to convince me that the best thing for me was to be with him.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
