Okay--I guess I am not getting this at all. So should I not even be going to MC? Should I be completely dark until and if he gives up affair? What would Jesus do situationally every day--I have told him the adultery is wrong. Every day I wish I didnt kno about the A--would telling the OW'S H be what Jesus wants? He didnt proclaim it from the housetops but just told her to go and sin no more. I have encouraged him to stop lying and make up his mind. I cant control his behavior only my own. I dont call or text him anymore. Maybe it is a sign of weakness or sin that I still desire him, love him, he still is attractive to me despite his A--I dont act on it but I cant completely stop the feelings. Didnt you feel that way towards your wife even if you didnt say or act on it? I see him as a sinful human being just like the rest of us--his A isnt worse than my anger or pride or selfishness. What are realistic goals for me? Can I get to true detachment is 8 weeks? Isnt beginning to lose the fear of being alone, divorced a step along with stopping calls and texts? What would be a better step? Is going to C tommorrow a huge mistake? Puppy, you said you would practic what to say--I dont even know what to practice anymore. Tonight he came over and we watched som Denzel Washington movie about the medal of honor investigation--all about honor, lies, shame etc. H
Too many questions there to have time to answer, BNA. I'll try to take a crack at one of them, tho:
Quote:
So should I not even be going to MC?
That's for you to decide. For me, personally, I saw no value in going to an MC so long as my wife was in an active affair, unless the affair itself -- and the reasons why it happened -- were going to all be on the table. So long as my wife was lying to everyone about it, I wasn't going to waste my time, nor the family's money (my insurance didn't cover counseling).
I think IF it's not a financial burden, and IF you are reasonably assured that this is a pro-marriage MC (gosh, we would THINK that's a given, wouldn't we? , but sadly, it's not) and that the MC will confront your husband's issues and the need to get the OW OUT of the marriage while he makes his decisions, and IF you can deal with all of that in an honest way, then yes, I would go.
If not, then ICing is probably better for you, in my opinion.
