AAK, I think that sounds just right. Age appropriate honesty makes sense.
The thing that I saw emphasized was that no matter what the issues between spouses, the child is almost always better off to have both parents in their life in a positive way. It was said that the kid's first wish was that their parents would be together. If that couldn't happen, they biggest desire was that the fighting would stop. Putting them in the middle, telling them it is the other parent's fault, doesn't help them.
Sure they see the obvious, if Daddy leaves, you can't very well say he didn't. But you don't need to say "Daddy left you to go have an affair with some bimbo." You could say, "Daddy left because he thought that it is what he had to do. We both love you very much. You can ask him about it." And then Daddy doesn't need to say, "I left Mommy because she is a controlling, annoying nag." He could say, "Your mom and I couldn't live together anymore, and I thought is was best if I left. I'm stil your Dad, and I love you very much."
Here's the point I think is at the bottom of all of this. If we tell our kids their life is ruined because their parents are apart, they are going to think their lives are ruined, and things are going to be pretty hard. If we tell them their family is changing, and things will be different, but that their parents still love them, and they will be taken care of, there is a pretty good chance they are going to be ok, once things shake out.
We have to take the lead and the responsibility, even when it is hard. The kids will follow our lead. If we let this ruin our lives, we are setting them up for bad times. If we become sullen and bitter, guess what they are going to do? Maybe it's hard. Maybe we have to fake it some days. But when we had kids, we took on a responsibility that means sometimes we have to put their interests above our own. So even if we want our x to "pay", to know how "wrong" they are, we have to put that away, and leave it, for the good of the kids.
