Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Did better last night seeing W. She worked late so I picked girls up and took them swimming. After, D10 had to be at school early for a rehearsal and W couldn't take her so she let D10 stay with me.

D10 was excited because that means she's with me Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday (teacher institute day).

D10 finished up an art project and then we had a long talk. She started it by asking "daddy, what will happen if you do get divorced."

I don't know if I'm handling this right. W refuses to talk to her at all about it. I told her that nothing's been filed so there's still hope. Even if something does get filed, it doesn't mean it will actually happen. And if we do get divorced, some people get back together after a few years of looking.

I printed out the 25 Do's and Don'ts for LBSs several months ago. It's on my kitchen counter so I can refer to it occasionally.

D10 saw it last night and asked me about it. I told her that three years ago, when W started having doubts, I did all the wrong things. I kept trying to pull her back and instead it pushed her away and now I'm trying to give her as much space and time as she needs.

She seemed to understand.

She really wants us to get back together. This is going to be the tragedy of her childhood. I'm trying to comfort her, but she -- like me -- may be holding on to too much hope.

Here's a thing I keep wondering about, does it really matter what the people around W wants? At church last week, they were talking about influences. If you surround yourself with good influences, you tend to stay on the right path. If you surround yourself with bad influences, well ...

I know the girls want her to give me another chance. Her mom is likely in my corner. Her sisters are not. Her bestfriend, who she's seen a couple times since we split, probably is in my corner. I'm not sure about her second best friend. Her work friends are a bunch of divorcees who are likely feeding her the line about how great it is to be single. And she's gone out at least once with a friend who has been divorced twice, just jumped out of a long-term relationship and apparently experienced "love at first site."