Warning- Venting post and graphic- feel free to ignore-
Topic: Boundaries I failed to enforce- Some of the other WAW’s are really irritating to me- Claiming sexual abuse/violation/assault- give me a break. We have horny husbands and they’re getting bent out of shape about it? So what- they needed to latch onto something, anything to justify leaving?
I know I have my issues about not setting boundaries in my marriage, and I let my H treat like a sex toy. Mr. SB didn’t stop at spooning and nudge, nudge- he went on to shove it in whether I was asleep or awake. Or if I’m up and about, he would walk to within 4 inches of my face, drop his pants, and want “service”. Or grab my hand and put it on his d**k to start things off. This probably isn’t news, but sex without any preliminaries is neither fun nor comfortable. However- I decided that the physical discomfort was preferable to the emotional discomfort of saying “no” and dealing with that fall-out. That was my choice, my issue, and I’m not laying down at his feet to deal with. I haven't said anything about it to him, and I'm not about to because it's my problem.
Another boundary I failed to enforce regards all the other attractive women that are around. Yes, I know they’re hot and you’re going to look, but shut up about it!! It gets real tiring to hear “She’s a honey!” when a lovely lady walks by. But hey- it’s nothing personal, it’s no reflection on me. Still hurts though. Just like it wasn’t anything personal when he would f*** the other ladies. It really hurt to see him do that, but he could handle watching me with another guy. Didn’t bother him in the least. If he wasn't there, I should bring pictures back. Because it doesn’t mean anything because he’s going home with me, he has a life with me and that means something. I could never get past that, it sure felt personal to me. And if I didn’t put out, I was bitched at for c**kblocking due to my bad vibes. Because if I wasn’t getting laid at the club or party, he sure wasn’t going to either.
Well- care to guess who’s getting c**kblocked now? I decided I was going to enforce that boundary starting mid-August because I needed the space to figure out what I wanted without the distractions of sex. The last time we had problems, I made the mistake of confusing the sex with maintaining a connection with H while he just saw it as a means of getting off. I'm not about to make that mistake again. And since I started the no-sex boundary, there is NO physical contact whatsoever. No hugs, kisses, snuggles, nothing. We didn’t do that before, and it’s not starting now. How sad to realize that our only physical contact is sexual. Heck- H wouldn’t even let me hug him at his Dad’s funeral last fall… I wanted that as much for me as for him.
But these other WAW’s are sending mixed messages- “I’m sad, I’m scared, wah, wah, hold me, waw, waw, I don’t love you, waw, waw, give me a hug, waw, waw- but don’t f*** me!” I refuse to do that. I’m not going to cry and don’t touch me. He did try touching a boob last night when someone on TV made a joke about drooping and age. (Let’s face it- I’m 42 and sporting a set of 36F’s. They’re not exactly as perky as they were 20 years ago when I got married- but they’re still pretty damn good. Don’t say anything if you can’t say something nice! If I walk around the house without a bra under my tshirt on the weekends- no one around and feeling lazy, I’m told “Go secure those things!” I don’t need that!)
Ok, I’m done venting. I’m sorry. But like I said at the top, these are my issues, not H’s, I have to deal with them and these other ladies need to grow up too. If it means getting counseling for underlying issues, do it, don’t blame your H.
One bit of news- I got my apartment assignment yesterday. I might tell H this Sunday- I’ll see how it goes. I haven’t signed yet- that’s next week.
