Puppy--I'm not clear between your advice and Pearl's. After getting past the initial shock (crying, asking for a second chance, writing a letter wherein I acknowledged my faults in the R and expressing love, etc) I have acted very calmly. The most I did was request that he move out (he had moved to duplex apartment) He originally requested that I move to the apartment, so he could have the GF in the main house. He is angry that I "won" the house.
But I have been cheerful in his presence, cordial emails re finance, generally acting like "I'm OK"
So is that "Little Bo Peep", which you advise against? What's the diff between being Little Bo Peep(acting calm, "hoping" he'll come home, living my life) and Pearl's advice, which is also GAL, take care of self.
A,
I'm not that familiar with your sitch. I responding more to Pearlharbor's reply to you than I was to you directly, and just sharing my view on the subject of the two contrasting styles that Pearl mentioned. I do think you should be positive and upbeat in his presence, but I don't think you "hope he'll come home." I prefer Coach's (look up "Stockdale Paradox") and SmileyPerson's ("I'm already dead") approaches. I think they better protect you emotionally for the rough road that lies ahead.
Put more simply, I don't think you should try to "compete" with OW, or in any way cater to the cheater. I think your GAL stuff needs to be for YOU, not for them.
