how to 180 when you've been too independent?

[avermont]

Thanks again, all.

Puppy--I'm not clear between your advice and Pearl's. After getting past the initial shock (crying, asking for a second chance, writing a letter wherein I acknowledged my faults in the R and expressing love, etc) I have acted very calmly. The most I did was request that he move out (he had moved to duplex apartment) He originally requested that I move to the apartment, so he could have the GF in the main house. He is angry that I "won" the house.

But I have been cheerful in his presence, cordial emails re finance, generally acting like "I'm OK"

So is that "Little Bo Peep", which you advise against? What's the diff between being Little Bo Peep(acting calm, "hoping" he'll come home, living my life) and Pearl's advice, which is also GAL, take care of self.

If my 180 is "don't be so independent" how to accomplish that without pressure, pushing, etc?

Pearl, what is the difference between"wait out the affair" and "tough love?"

Yes, the avermont he fell in love with was very independent,but he has also expressed over the years his need to see me need him more.

I tried that by asking for help with house maintenance, and paying bills, but since he is so angry that I am in the house, that seemed to backfire.

I apologize if I am not responding to posts in the right way--still trying to figure out how to manage the list. Never posted to a group BB before!

avermont