So that's my long winded way of explaining that you have two options: wait the affair out or tough love. You need to decide what feels authentic to you and be prepared to act accordingly.
In my experience on these board (pls. look at my # of posts; I was also registered as "Chocolateeyes" going back to 2004) and another marital/infidelity site, I have almost NEVER seen the "Little Bo-Peep" approach work (you know, "leave them alone, and they'll come home, wagging their tails behind them"). At least not when it's accompanied by behavior that tries to be their "friend" and to actually COMPETE for them. It's not effective in drawing the wayward spouse back, and it absolutely eviscerates all but the strongest of betrayed spouses' self-respect.
On the other hand, I've seen Pearl's approach work hundreds of times.
